My Daughter!!! WoW

Pastor Vaughn... your wise words about how kids are really just little mirror images of ourselves... Well, I got a nice hands on lesson of that today. So I got off work early, only to get to school even earlier tonight but I was able to spend a little bit of time with Mylah before bring her Gerald's (daddy). Anyways... When my parents drove up in their huge silverado truck, I could hear my duaghter's excitment to see me through the glass of the truck. She was so loud. Anyways... a little surprised and loving that she wants me (and honestly... eatting it up a little!) Mylah shows me this little mis-shapened ginger... yeah, man might be pushing it a little... let's say... figure. lol wink wink As she shows me the cookie, she exclaims with excitment, "Mommy, I saved it... to share with you!"

I was so touched by this, that one... I had to take a picture. Two... My little girl was sharing without me telling her too. I was so proud of her. Till she had to burst my bubble... she starts to hand me the little heart shaped candy from the figures chest saying, "I don't like these... here!" That was my part of the cookie... that was her idea of sharing, giving me the pieces she didn't want... It made me laugh! Kids really do show you, your worst traits. lol wink wink

Funny thing... I don't do Red Hots either! So I shared my candy with my mom. Lesson here... I can share, but only the things I don't want. lol wink wink

As the night gets later and the hours of my sleep before work gets less and less, I find myself on the phone with an ex. Talking about the old days and laughing about the new ones. Somewhere between the surprise of his phone call, to the end of our goodbyes. Moments of love, feelings of joy and yes, a little bit of a flashbacks to nights of tears come flowing through my mind.

I can't really remember the exact moment of our last goodbye but I remember the pain. My first love and my first heartbreak. It's funny when you think about all these self help books, the talk shows and let's not forget the therapists banking on our hardships with love. I wonder, with each relationship we experience throughout our life... do we become more aware of the things we want in our future relationships or do we become less and less unloveable for the next.
As I hear him try to tell me that he still loves me and really doesn't understand why he walked away. I started to pray to God for strength, "Please... through all these words he says now... these same words I use to pray to hear from him, Please keep me focused on the truth. The truth being, he never loved me!"

I know that sounds harsh but really, how can you love someone and than walk away. You can't! I know my idea of love is really old fashion but when I read my bible and I pray to God. He shows me everyday, that real love is there till the end. Real love, never lets you go. Real love... starting to wonder if any of my past relationships where ever "Real Love?" Starting to think, that maybe I want it so much... this amazing Real Love... that I 've jumped the gun too many times.

My last love, Andy... My superman... the one relationship that makes me feel a little foolish at times and gives some of my friends a little power to tease me about being neive... makes me think, will I ever get my Prince Charming. Will I ever get to experience Real Love. I don't know anymore, but as I hang up the phone and really start to ponder on the idea of loves in my past, Two... I wonder, I loved them so much and still do. Why is it, that when they say, "I love you", why is it so easy for them to walk away? Why am I always that girl from the past, a distant memory, or even worst.... no thought at all? How can I love still love him? Why couldn't I've of let him go that easy too?

So you want something to pray about... Pray for Christina. It hurts and I really have been hiding my pain from myself, tonight though... as I hung up that phone... I realized, I am damaged but God Loves ME still, even when the men in my past don't, but say they do.

Sad thing or maybe it's amazing... I don't hate or have any animosity toward either of my past loves. I do think that I will love in the future again. I'm not afraid of love... I think I just came to terms tonight with the fact that GOD needs to be my number one guy in my life!

That my friends ......... was a hard lesson to learn. and I am suppose to sleep tonight... yeah... mind is going at a unhealthy rate of 90 MPH. Not looking pretty for work tomorrow, glad my patients are on drugs that make me look prettier than I am. lol wink wink!

I have to keep in mind Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trist in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" NLT

Now as a mother of an amazing three year old... I have been trying to figure out ways of teaching Mylah the true "Christmas Meaning". Which in turn means Jesus and his birth. Some of the things that we have already done...

1) Every night we do some sort of craft, paint, or color a picture for Jesus and then place the item, in this little manger I made under the tree. It's our gift to Jesus this year. I will for sure keep those items in Mylah's hope chest but right now... she is loving these activities. Got this idea from a Chicken Soup book.

2) On Christmas, I asked my parents and brothers if it would be cool to throw a little birthday party for Jesus together. As a family, we are going to make a cake and decorate it and yes... we are singing Happy Birthday. Idea from a church hand out.

I really don't know any other things that we could do but hey, if you have a suggestion... I would love to hear it. Thank you... a mother learning to parent! lol wink wink

"My Girlie Moment!"

Working in a hospital, you get the advantages or perks you might say, of working along side some very sexy men. Than every once in a while, we get even more lucky and get a dump-dead-gorgeous man as a patient. Well, today... I got both and yes, as a professional at my job , I stumbled over my wording and was unable to look at this 'amazing specimen of manhood', without the blood rushing to my face . and giggling like I was 'special'. It was like I was comatosed by his........ well I want to say beauty but that just doesn't sound like the right choice of wording to use to discribe any man but really... this 'beautiful specimen of manhood' had every Walt Disney Prince or Brad Pitt Look-like... looking a like average!

So when I finally made it back in the lounge, a couple minutes later and after regaining my ability to beathe normal again. Everyone took a quick moment to poke fun at my 'girlie' moment. It was pretty funny and I don't know why I did that, I am not one of those girls. I don't get lost in the eyes of a lover. I don't follow a man around with lost puppy dog eyes. I am NOT one of those girls that does that stuff. I was a tom-boy growing up, so if a guy likes me... he better have some 'cahounas' to ask me out because I won't chase any guy! So this gets me thinking... why did I act like that today. Why did I get so 'funny' at the sight of a guy. Yes, the man was beautiful and yes, every girl in the department was very attentive to his every need.

It's funny to me though because after it was all said and done, someone made a joke saying... 'You know Christina, it's funny to see you like that because your typically very cool around guys. It's nice to see that your normal.' How does that make me normal? I think it makes me special!
Anyways... Sexy Men, I pray to God that he makes more of that man and one that is single, God fearing and will love me like crazy, that's all I am asking for. Am I asking for too much?!?!? lol wink wink .. However... if I did happen to met a sexy, God fearing man that gets me stumbling on my words, you think I might scare him with my 'special-ness!' lol wink wink

Make a Difference Monday!

So on the radio station that I listen to... 101.9 Air1, they have this thing called, "Make a Difference Monday!" Which is just going out, seeing a need that someone needs and filling it. It could be something so simple as just buying someone's coffee or dry cleaning. That actually seems to the most used ways people try to make a difference. However, this morning I heard a story that got me crying and Mylah asking me, "what's wrong mommy?"

THE STORY

This guy calls in and explains how he passed a mother and daughter having car trouble. He thinks about stopping but doesn't... he actually thinks about it three times and finally on the last chance of making a U-turn. He decides to turn around and help. Which is just awesome in itself.... However, it wasn't till he said that he gave the lady $90 to buy a new tire... that my flood gates of tears came flowing out. This guy handed over his "allowance" money because he could tell this single mother and her daughter weren't doing so hot in the finance department.

So Mylah being the loving and compassionate child that she is... she asks me, "Mommy... what's wrong?" I couldn't help but just tell her, "Mylah, God is just so amazing and the love He shows us all, through random acts of kindness. It's just a little overwhelming for your mommy!" Don't think she really grasped anything I was saying but she nodded her little head and said the most amazing thing... "Mommy, Jesus Loves ME and you!"

Now I know to some people this story doesn't mean a thing to them, but man months ago... I was really questioning my parenting skills when it came to raise Mylah into an amazing woman in God Kingdom. I really thought lowly of that part of my life and prayed everyday for God's assistance in the parenting department. Don't get me wrong... I don't think I suck as a parent. My daughter isn't needing a single thing. She's in soccer and Karate. She has more than any child her age needs and most of all, She knows with all her heart... "I AM HER BIGGEST FAN! I love that little girl. However, I wanted my daughter to know that if anything ever happened to me.........God Willing Nothing does but if I wasn't here to watch that amazing girl grow... I wanted her to have a solid foundation in Christ and know that Jesus Loved that little girl.

Anyways...

When Mylah said that this morning with the biggest cheese grin... I actually had to pull over and thank God and cry... GO FIGURE :). Only because of how much my God loves me and my daughter, am I able to see how much He cares through my daughter's young but wise words! God loves us so much and that to me... is just so amazing. I am so grateful to the Frost Family, actually more like indebted to that family. Even though it was a short lived relationship, it made the most impact in my life. God has been showing me lately, that even the smallest things and/or relationships, are still big things for Him to use. His power is bigger than anything, that's why such a short lived relationship could mean so much. It was a God filled relationship. To Him, I have to say... goes all the glory for Mylah and my life.

On another note... someone made a difference in my life today too. I had a stranger buy my breakfast and I have to say... even though it was a just a couple dollars... It made me feel so amazing and loved. Once again... God using the smallest things to say, "I love you!" I am now officially a "Make a Difference participant.

Man... as I woke up this morning, in my bed for the first time in weeks, I started to talk to God about LIFE and the craziness that comes with years!

SIDE NOTE: The bed was jammed packed with clothes, toys and everything else that I could put in my room. So finally last night...... I was able to take control over the mountain of boxes

everywhere and make this new house, a home for Mylah and me. Got the tree up, which I have to say looks amazing! The lights are all hung up and the stockings... Yes, are hanging by the chimney with care!

So as I wander through the house this morning with my nice hot cup of Chamomile Tea, I realize... Mylah and me are so blessed. God has really been doing wonders in my life lately, and this morning God and me had some one - on - one time to talk about everything. Just the realization of everything that has changed in the last four months... WOW... My life looks nothing like it did a couple months ago.

Here I am in a home twice the size as my old house. I have a new career goal for when I grow up. The new position with the OCC and the blessings those people bring in my life! The church group that has adopted Mylah and me as one of their own, love them!!! This new found freedom of happiness. It's like, no matter what is going on in this life... I have this peace about me. Everything and I mean everything... I bring to God. I don't think there is even a moment during the day, that I am not talking or thinking about God! It's crazy!!!!

Anyways...

As God and me are talking this morning, I can't help but bring up a conversation Aaron and me had just recently. Years ago, God sent me Aaron. He was and still is... my teddy bear! We did everything together. Most of the time, it was me talking him into Pimps-N-Hoe parties, the movies and the very popular... Pictionary Game Night with Jack and Mara! See Aaron is very reserved and well.... we both had different ideas of what fun was...Aaron's idea was staying in all night, to tinker around, under, over and/or on top of some muscle car that only a guy could love - or - it was chillin' with Jack and talking in terms - that only guys that love math and computers could ever understand. My ideas of fun... let's just say... neither of those things did anything for me! wink wink

My favorite moments with Aaron were cuddling up on his parent's couch watching the Superbowl or some stupid old movie and every once in a while... I could talk him into some chick flick movie (but not too much though ). I have a lot of memories with Aaron... one Halloween I dressed him up as Flasher! The things you can do with Panty Hose and a trench coat! lol **Wink Wink** I love Aaron and we were never anything more than friends. Never kissed or did anything... He was just my best friend, so when he decided that our friendship needed to end while I was pregnant. I was devastated and couldn't' understand why; however, God works in crazy ways.

Just a couple days ago... I got an email from Aaron and being the person that I am... I don't get halfway through the email before I found myself calling Aaron's parent's house to get Aaron phone number. Turns out... Aaron was there and we got to talk. There were a little moments of ackwardness but within two or three minutes, we are talking like no time has ever passed and laughing about how stupid life can be. Before I hung up the phone... we made plans to hang out and catch up.

Now it's been a couple days since Aaron and me hung out and still... I find myself repeating a conversation we had in my head, over and over again.

"JOHAN IS DEAD!"

Back in the day, meaning the years during and right after high school... there was this guy that all the girls liked. All the girls had a crush on and yes... he had the body that all the guys wanted! Now he wasn't the smartest in the bunch but man, he could make you laugh! I was one of those girls that had a crush on Johan. Well, I was actually one of those girls that had a crush on both, Johan and his little brother, Jordon! So as Aaron and me are going through the list of people from our past and where are they now updates... I still find myself stumbling on this fact that one of our own... in our little group... was actually dead. Now I know that death is part of life and everyone will exprience it sometime but I really found it hard to believe that one of my friends would ever die before we were all old and gray. Nieve... yes but really... the whole idea just scares me. My ten year reunion for high school is coming up in just under two years and it gets me thinking... when we all come together again. How many of my classmates will still be with us? How many will be there to share in laughs about the good old days? Johan won't be one of those and honestly..... that just seems so crazy to me!!!

Lesson... Life is too Short! Never stay mad at anyone. Love with all your heart. Smile every chance you get and heck... never stay mad at me!!!!! Wink wink and realize that tomorrow is not promised to you... heck the rest of today isn't promised to you either. God and me just really had a moment talking about life and all "real" things that happen. I just need to remember, I am God's... so when and if He calls me before I think I should be called... I know that I will be going to stay with my Father and these moments of life craziness, I hope God will finally make sense of them for me... I HOPE!

Laziness with the Season!

As winter approaches and my electric bill rises faster then I can understand. I have come to realize that people get crazy during these last few months of the year. It's like we have this bank of nuttiness that we need to use up and it's on a time limit. I just can't understand it at all.

With my move and the crazy other things that I find myself busy with, I have been dealing with some crazy situations. People in stores actually running down my daughter with their wheelchair. I was hit by an older man with his cane because I didn't move fast enough... mind you the crowd in front of me was at a stand still. I was at the post office! The store clerks cursing at me because life didn't turn out like they thought it would and for some weird reason... I am the easiest to lash out at. Then watching the news and seeing all the craziness that happened on Black Friday. People being trampled to death because of sale prices and Black Friday Specials. Watching the stocks go from bad to worst right in front of ours. Hearing people say that they have lost everything in just one day. I am just blown away and honestly, am finding it hard to explain to my daughter what is going on anymore. I can't just tell her anymore... people are just mean sometimes because they have bad days. Now it's getting to the point where I am finding myself scared to raise my daughter.

However with all this said... I was floored a couple days ago by our world and society. My mother's old client and friend, Ken, got jumped by three teenage guys and had his face slashed by a knife. Then not only that... they steal his $27 of groceries and $7 of change he had left. This gentleman, lives on a fixed income. So even though, that $7 doesn't sound like a lot to most of us... To him... that's a weeks worth of income for him. When I visited Ken in the hospital, I really found it hard to comfort him. I found it hard not to be mad. I found it hard not to think badly about those guys. I know the bible says to turn the other cheek but in these moments, can we have a little moment of anger! Can I be this mad! I know anger is poison to our soul but sometimes... I think God has to understand. Otherwise... I am in deep doo-doo. :) God please heal this anger heart of mine. Please help me see it through your eyes... Please just help soften my heart for even the "special" people I am mad at! Thank you for reading and please pray for Ken!