"When I grow up Mom... I'm going to be Free!" Yeah Right?!?!

Growing up... that was the only thought that passed through my head, "One day I'll be an adult and have all the freedom of the world!" Yeah Right! That image quickly dissipated with my first bill. With my age, I didn't gain independence, what I actually accumulated was more chains that held me down and stole my freedom away; however, today God took me by the hand and lead me down a little journey of "Freedom Perception".

In this little journey... God asks me, "So what's your idea of a Mature Christian?" To me that was an easy question- a no brain-er you might say... it's the old person in the back of the church, loosing his hearing but knowing every song verbatim. This would also be that old person you would run to, for hard life questions and not only would they give you an answer that would make you think...they would also hand you a list so long of bible verses and a little old man humor too. Typically in my mind, these are the elderly people that are sometimes ignored by my generation. To me... a mature Christian is far from what I am. To my surprise... God informed me, that I was way off base.

A mature Christian... is someone that looses all their freedom in prayer but gains that freedom back in peace, joy and yes, every once in while, there are some tears. As I sit there thinking about this new concept of a Mature Christian. I realized that I was on the path of being a mature christian, a lot sooner than I thought. I do check in with God about everything. Now there was some thoughts that I still try to take control over but all the "BIG" stuff... There is no way I even try to handle them on my own. So since I don't yet... hand everything over to the Big Guy... I still don't consider myself mature.

On the other hand, my life in the last few months has gone from living for Mylah and me ONLY - to - living and breathing God. Even though, some might say that I lost more freedom the day I took Jesus into my heart and decided finally, to live like I have Jesus in my heart... I now know and can say... NO!... God gave me the freedom from worry, anxiety, stress and every other thing that comes with taking on this world alone! So even though I have lost the freedom to sleep in a little extra in the morning, or lost the desire to go to every company party under the sun or can't find pleasure in participating in some of those "not so great" gossip conversations anymore. I have learned that those few moments daily where I talk, chat or sometimes even scream at God. God handed me a title of being a "growing" mature Christian and the freedom to love life's moments.

I know that my God will over come anything that I may experience and I also know that Satan can't mess with me until GOD says, "You know... She can handle anything you dish out!"So when I see a family going through so much turmoil and hardships in this life. A Godly family... A family that I know God is watching over... I can't help but think, Wow... that's a mature Christian Family. That's a model family for all Christians to follow. That's what I pray my family will be like. To me, even though they don't have the freedom to drink, curse or live so willy-nilly... God handed this family the freedom of knowing they will never be alone.

So my little freedom walk today with God. Where God took my hand and told me... "Christina, you need to know... that even sometimes, when you think I don't listen to your prayers or answer them in the way that you want... I need you to know that I do! I do listen because your one of mine and I will never leave you!"

I came to understand that God has the bigger picture of my life, some might even call it the "blue print of Christina's AMAZING life!" .. God sees it from beginning to end. He knows what is best for me and even in those moments where I throw a little fit - aka - tantrum. God hears me clearly. He just cares for me so much more than what I can really understand. Plus He has my best interests ahead of my own self wants. Thank GOD! Prayer is the foundation of a relationship. The same foundation that keeps you and God together. Prayer is also where I found my Freedom. SO when I pray, God may not answer my prayers right away but I know with all my heart that He hears me and cares.

So Today when that lesson was handed to me in an email from Andy. I got a little freaked out and WOW'd. Here we are for the last week or so talking and just reconnecting our lives together again. Me being the thinker... okay... maybe sometimes the over thinker... GOD takes this amazing man and hands me a lesson from God. It was the most amazing feeling and a little freaky. Even more than the day I realized God was real! You ever get the chills... that is what I got today. God in my mind... is so much bigger than what the bible can really describe for us. God shows me everyday... "Hey you knuckle-head... I'm your father who cares for you. So I will bless you more than what you can comprehend." Andy... He is a blessing from God. Even though, I sometimes want to take control over this amazing journey "we" (Mylah, Maria, Andy and ME) are all on right now... God grabbed my hand and said, "Christina stop... Let me take control over this. Give up your "thought" of control over this whole matter and allow me the freedom to work here in all of your lives. I will be bless you both in my time."

I know Andy and Maria are part of my future. I know that God has amazing things in store for me, it's just so amazing to me sometimes to think about how powerful and amazing our God is. Prayer is freedom. So as I sit in front of my computer, with the realization that I have freedom from my parents. I will never or nor do I ever want... Freedom from God... I want God a part of my life and every thought I have. I also can never see my life being completely full filled without God. God is amazing and I am so thankful that He sent Maria and Andy my way! Thank you Jesus.

Today at church, Mike reminded me of the Gift Exchange with my old group of Alpha friends. Totally forgetting about the party all together even though Lisa and Shaun have reminded me of this party many, many times already. I subjected myself to shopping for a good hour and the nutty people actually doing "real" Christmas Shopping. Man it was a zoo out there!

I decided that I was only going to one store.... Micheals - the craft store. If I didn't find anything cool there under $10, I could always get the ever popular picture frame. Well, going through all the aisle with Mylah and looking at all the cool and clearenced out Christmas stuff. I decided that I would pick-up these awesome angel glass ornaments. Well, it turns out that as I was setting down these other 2008 ornaments for my family. This lady happened to get the same idea as me, which would of been cool had those three angels not been the last ones.

SO........

to my dismay, this lady grabs the angels and looks at me saying, "Well, you did see them first... so let's Rock, Paper, Sissor for them!" Totally being serious as she placed her two hands in battle position. A little caught off gaurd by what just happened... I just looked at her crazy! Are you serious... Christmas Shopping has resorted to Rock, Paper, Sissor battles! Man, I have been out of the shopping scene for a while now. lol wink wink I really think a couple seconds, maybe even a good minute went by before I actually responsed to her saying, "Nah.. .it really looks like you have your heart set on those angels. I pray they bring you happiness and joy!" and I walked away.

Now Mylah watching the whole thing and being three pipes up saying, "Mommy... why did she take those angels from you?" Crazy shopping lady heard Mylah and I just replied, "Honey... Those are just people God sends into your life to learn patience from! We just thank God for them honey!" And we just walked away... Now I want you to know... had Crazy Shopper said, "Let's Thumb War for them." I would of been down and kicked her crazy shopping butt!!! Man people are nuts.... Well, long story short... I ended up with a picture frame!

I'm a Promise... Now that is cool!

In Church today, Pastor Vaughn discussed the idea of being a promise, which to me was a little hard for me to understand at first. Me... Christina... A promise for someone in the past. The more he talked and/or preached... the more I started to realize, I was a promise. How many times in our lives, did someone pray for us and make a deal with God that your life would be effected. In my life, there are plenty of moments where I can see my mom, who doesn't really pray at all... I could see her every once in a while, making deals with the Big Guy over things out of her control. In my head, I can still remember her and my dad weeping next to my bed to God when I was 5 years old and on the verge of leaving this world too soon. I can remember the tears my mother wept before meeting Rick and being a single mother. I can remember her plenty of times, talking to God about getting patience in dealing with me as a teenager. So the more I stopped and really thought about it... I came to realize... that everyone that was sitting in this little church of mine, where there because of a promise someone else made with the Big Guy. I know that's far out there, but really... it's awesome when you think about it.
Years ago... long before your mother and father... someone in your history, prayed over you. Prayed for your future and prayed for your soul. To me... that is just a crazy thought! Every home is built on promises and prayers that a earlier generation did. Come on... that has to blow your socks off.

Something else Vaughn said today that got me thinking "WOW, I matter to my God", was the idea that every prayer I make effects the aroma of Heaven. Are you serious, my little prayers or discussions with God... make a difference in heaven and the way it smells. See... there are these pillars or bowls you might say filled with insenses in heaven and with each prayer that you make. Those insenses display your prayer in smoke. That is why, one of the wise men gave Jesus Frank and scents. Back in the day, they use to do incenses to represent their prayers going up to heaven... Well, in heaven they still do this and think about it... their smoking every time you pray. WOW... that's crazy to me.

However.... that got me wondering back to some of my "not so amazing moments in prayer" and wondered... in those moments where I battle it out with God and have little issues with HIS purpose and my purpose not meeting... I wonder if those moments make heaven not smell so sweet But after hearing Zechariah's story, I realized that God wants us to be real. God loves that I come to Him with my worries, concerns and yes, every once in while battle. That shows that I acknowledge that He is the All-Powerful and I know that He is the only one that can make a difference in my life! It also makes you aware of your own issues.

So basically the more I heard Vaughn's sermon today... the more I thanked God for loving me and my little "tina moments". I might never be prefect or even come close to it, but God will fill all those areas where I am lacking. This then makes me realizes something about all my friends and those amazing people who always tell me... "Christina, I'm just trying to get somethings together before going back into the church." Hello, God accepted me the way I was and He did the spring cleaning for me. God wants to enter our lives right now and "help" you become the Promise that someone in your past prayed about! Your a promise and FYI... I made a deal with God too about you... I want all my friends to know His love like I do. I love you all!

Tonight as Stephanie leaves my house, with a bag of Mylah's old clothes, small Little Baby toys and a big Fish Rocking horse thingy... I realized that God put Stephanie in my life, for me to love on her. Stephanie tonight opened up to me with her soul and by the time she left my house... she gave me the biggest hug and said, "I never met anyone like you!" I could of told her that.... in our introductions!!!! No one has ever met someone like me... just ask my mama or Nikki. they'll tell you that.

So when Stephanie leaves... I do my normal, pray for that friend and ask God for the guidance in that relationship. I believe with all my heart, that God sends you certain people in your life to learn from, to love on and most of the time... to show you, who you really are! I learn more about myself everyday with the people God places in my life each day... just yesterday... I realized with a patient that was a little - okay little is pushing it - a complete A-hole... that even my smile sometimes can't hide everything and it sure can't stop my mouth from speaking German! Which after the fact, I made it appoint to have that patient all day, to learn patience and love. After two hours and a lot of smiles and "Yes sirs'"... we made a compromise... I would speak only when spoken too and he would hold back all his profanity and mean comments! That was a hard lesson but helped me learn to pray in German.

Then my amazing girlfriends, they don't know this but those emails mails they send me all the time...those little notes get saved in a little folder to be scrapbooked with their pictures later. My friends mean the world to me, but it took the last few months of God showing and teaching me... "this is how I want you to love them!" I am so grateful for so much and Stephanies's hug tonight! Her Bear Hug and tears of happiness... made me realize, Stephanie is in my life for good. God has placed her on my path to Him, so I get to congo-line it with her down the road of life! Man... my congo line is getting big but I am loving it and feeling very blessed.

Tweezers = Screw Drivers

Okay...moving is seriously a job in itself.

I am almost at the point where I am comfortible in this new place of mine but there are just little things for me to work on... basically all the guy projects! lol wink wink However being the independent woman that I am, I tried doing a couple of these projects before calling it quits and calling in the guys! I want you to know, I got my shoe shelves all up. Got the shelves up in the laundry room and finally.. the ONE project that had me at my last nerve! The stupid towel holder in the upstairs bathroom. ARGH!!!

To me... it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to put up a towel holder. At least that is what I think, but I was nicely informed on my tenth try, four stab wounds from my tweezers and a couple words that I should never repeat again! I was nicely informed... that YES... Towel Holders need more than just a womanly touch!

Anyways... I decide it was time to call on my amazing neighbors for assistance. He was more than happy to help.... WELL.... up until I handed him my eye tweezers as the screw driver for him to use. Bob's look was priceless and I really wish I could of captured it.
Anyways... after he got a couple, "You have got to be joking comments out of his system," he retreated back to his house for a real screwdriver. When he got back, he started to ask me if I had tools and I told him, "Yes!" Now they might not be sold in a hardward store but they work. Then I realized, Men and Women are different in what we call tools. Guy tools have to have some sort of name like: Craftman, Snap-on, MAC or whatever other manly tool name. In a woman's mind, everything can be used. My tweezers worked for getting in some other projects. A butterknife makes an amazing flat head screwdriver and lets not forget the rocks outside, being used as hammers! I might be a girl but honestly, I realized that women are part engineers... Bob on the other hand... He just thinks I am crazy and expressed his concern for my choice of tools.

It was a funny moment and one that I am sure Bob will share with other people, when they ask, "So your new neighbor... is she cool?"

Being a business student, I get to hear and debate about all the economy -recession speculations, the Big Bailout for the Auto companies, the housing market and really once again... this list could go on for days about everything the NEWS feels is news! As I watch in class and listen to my fellow students, I can't help but think... If the government actually does hand over 18 billion dollars to these companies... I really believe this is going to be an interesting lesson for our kids to learn.

Think about it....I understand that if all three auto companies where to close their doors and stop making cars. I would have some serious issues finding parts for my car, at a nice Cheap Cavalier price . There would also be other companies, throughout the world that would also take a hit. Maybe even some, that would have to close their doors too, which in turn would be a domino effect of other company's closing their doors. I understand that and know that is a scary thought; however, with the government now jumping and bailing them out totally. This to me, screams a very loud and wrong message... to me I hear... "Hey if you effect more than just yourself in the wrong choices that you do... don't worry about it because when it comes time to deal with those issues, the government will jump in!" This is not a good message at all to send to the world and our children. We are basically saying to the whole world or our kids, don't worry about your choices... there will always be someone there to "Bail" you Out but reality is... there really isn't!

Now I know this is a very far out there thought but really think about it.... Here is this huge company GM, who last year sold the same amount of cars as Toyota. Toyota who isn't going to their government for a hand out... who actually isn't even giving any thought about their business having any issues at all. So how does that work, how can GM sell the same amount of cars but than saying or expressing threats to close their doors. Something just doesn't sound right to me and I don't know why... but I really feel like there should be some people going to prison. There are bigger issues in these companies, than just bad accounting / budgeting issues... that's just my thoughts!

Then another thing that just rings through mind all the time, was hearing the Ford's CEO tell the floor... "I am sitting pretty nice! I'm okay with a dollar salary next year!" Are you serious? There is no way that can be totally true, everyone lives in their means and most of the time, we actually live outside of our means by one or two income brackets. So what gets me is, we know that Ford's CEO's bills aren't the regular house and electric bills we all have. He has vacation homes, private jets and servants, which I am not cutting that life style down... if you make it there... more power to you, I am just saying... this guy has bills like us but they are in the income bracket that he lives in. Right?!?!?! So how can he accept $1 next year for pay and still be able to live in his income bracket. Something there just doesn't mesh well with me either. This whole thing sounds fishy.

The sad and scary thought, this problem is a lose - lose situation for everyone. If the government doesn't help, a whole lot of people lose their jobs. If the government does help, we the tax payers get to not only pay our monthly car payments but also pay the bills for that car maker. That to me doesn't sound far, I want to sell something, get profit off that sell but than also get you to pay my bills too! That too me, just doesn't sound right either.

Who knows... but I do know that the next four years, we the people will be on our knees a little more talking to the Big Guy and it's not because of our president but because of our "borrowing with out paying" mentality. That is why I don't have Credit Cards and I will teach my daughter that too. Plastic is not good! If you don't have the cash to pay for it, then you don't get the merchandise!

SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS TOO!!!

3. 1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

5. Proverbs 22:7
The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

So just think before getting that next Christmas present... can you really pay for it and if you can't... don't get it. Christmas isn't about that present anyways.... it's about God and him giving us a second chance! Be happy with your situation and know... I love you and so does our father whose Birthday is coming up!

It’s official... I am a Christmas Freak!

So last weekend, I got the tree up and it's looking mighty fine, if I don't say so myself. The decorations are everywhere and I mean everywhere... it almost looks like Santa's little workshop. The pine scented candles are all strategically placed throughout my house. To be real frank about the matter, I really didn't think that I could get anymore Christmas Spirit this year. To my surprise, I was wrong!

See tomorrow I start my Secret Santa with my 2009 family. I have the family picked out and they really need a pick-me up this year. Both incomes in the households have been terminated due to the economy and they have three kids. Well, tonight... Mylah and me were in Costco; which I have to say is the most dangerous place in the world for me. I love that store but man, that store is not too friendly on my pocket book or maybe it loves my pocket book a little too much. :)

Anyways... walking through the aisle trying to think of awesome Secret Santa gifts for the next twelve days... I found so many. I got them this awesome rod-iron Fruit Basket set, which I think will be the first of 12 gifts this year. I think in the card I might say something along the lines of.. be ready to enjoy the next few days of "secret" fruitful blessings... I know that's corny but I have to think of something! So basically, a hour in Costco thinking of little corny phrases to tie to gifts... I realized... I am a Christmas Geek! I love this season... even more than Bikini Season. I really hope my family loves the gifts and I really hope I don't get caught this year. I haven't the last 10 years so I think I might have stellar 007 skills! It's going to be a blast and I am really stoked about it.