Patience Really?!?!? Did I pray for patience?

Sums up my day perfectly!!!

This morning I woke up to pray a little early. Okay not a little, let's say a good hour or so early! Not sure why, but this morning I woke up with the attitude to take on the world. So feeling really ambitious and really full of life; I decided it was time that God and me could work on some other character flaws of mine. Today I did the a huge NO-NO! I prayed for patience!

Now any mature Christian at this point is probably laughing their butts off now and really finding this kind of funny; however, starting to think there needs to be class in church that is called, "somethings you might want to think twice about, before asking God!" **HINT HINT PV **

So God, being amazing and "me" being totally real with God! I found myself at noon, asking God, "By any chance, could I retort my prayer request from this morning or put it maybe on back-order!" Today sucked at worked!!! SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED!!! By 930 a.m., I felt every butt muscle in the toochie screaming not so nice words at me because I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off. ER was crazy. OR was out of control and then the outpatients... WOW... don't get me started! Then to add to the mix, I get brought into a little tiff with another co-worker (side note: I was right :), had some elderly person almost relieve themselves on me (thank goodness for my soccer skills) and finally, got yelled at by a doctor in some language that wasn't English. (Once again.... Doctors with God complexs'. Is this a taught class, "how to be an A$# 101") ALL IN ALL ~ today sucked!



I had no control over anything today. I couldn't help that our ER was going crazy busy. I couldn't help that every doctor that practises at Valley, decided today was the day to do surgeries! Then the doctor issue, he was mad at the patient. So that was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time! Wasn't that lucky for me! lol **WINK WINK **



Funny thing though, when I left work today... I did learn how to be a little more patient. At least a little more than yesterday! Yes, it did take a couple of prayers, a couple moments of talking under my breathe and yes, a every once in a while Chocolate snack from Big T and Jason. To make me realize, Life is too short to stress over things out of my hands! I can't wait to see what God has in store for tomorrow. lol Should be interesting.



**Pray for me and if you do... pray I keep my mouth shut, love like Jesus and realize... it's my Friday!! Yeah!!!



**Pray for Andy and his team. Then still be praying over little Maria and her future!



** Lastly, Pray over my hospital... there is so much going on with the company sell out, people being stressed over job security. Everyone has so many things getting thrown our ways, that we loose sight of the fact we are there for our patients. I love my co-workers and where I work! I just hope that I protray that everyday to them!!!

God's Going to Work with ME! WOW!

So lately, God has been sharing with me a lot of amazing things. Now He isn't just showing me, now He is putting His plan to work for my life!

Last night, got another place to stay. Was a little taken back by the offer but it's one that will help Mylah and me. Not just help us, but also teach me not to be so worldly... which was one of my prayer requests over the weekend. I have to let go of a lot of things and only bring the things that mean the world to me. So WOW... that I think, will be a hard thing for me to do! I mean I worked hard for a lot of these things and to sell them or give them away. This will bring some hardship to my earthly self but I think the out come will be amazing! Not only that, but God is telling me.. in the future, I won't be really having a lot of stuff with me because I will be traveling and living for Jesus!

Then I was just offered a new position... I am going to be the Northwest regions Operation Christmas Child year round Church Relations Volenteer! (say that three times fast!)

Are you serious?

This is going to open up so many doors and bring my awareness of serving others to whole another level. I am praying that God will send me the right people to teach me. I am just wow'd right now. Don't really know what to say and Thank you, just doesn't even come close to what I feel.

God is amazing!!!

Please pray like you always do... Then also still be praying for Andy and his team down in Mexico! Thank you guys!!!

Mylah's Story!!!

This weekend's end came faster then I really wanted it to come. I just layed monkey down for a nap and now have a couple moments to really reflect on this amazing weekend. I came to terms with the fact, our God is amazing! I am so blessed and sometimes, I find it hard to believe how blessed I really am. With everything going on in life and feeling a little out of control of my own life. I really find it hard sometimes, to just smile in comfort that God sees me trying to make it HIS day! Today God reminded me how much I mean to Him with a drama preformed by teenagers. I think it's funny how God uses some of the most amazing outlets to grab people and shake them up.

The drama brought me back to January 2005, just a couple days after my 24th birthday, I am sitting in a doctor's office getting the news that I may never have kids. At the young and partying age, may I remind you... I get the unsettling news that my dreams of being a mother, may never come true. It seemed that my female parts were turning against me like crazy and I was in the gyno's office almost every week for a good three months straight. My gyno and me were on first name bases and honestly, anyone that knows you better than you know yourself (**WINK WINK **).... that's someone to keep close!

Anyways... My boyfriend at the time, wasn't the best relationship for me and we were actually at a point where we had broken up for the 15th millionth time due to some stupid and crazy fight. Well, I went to him and asked anyways... "Hey, I don't know how to ask this... but you want have a kid?" We talked it out for about three hours and funny how that seemed to be enough time to discuss the next 18 years! Well, once the talking was done, we tried once. Turns out it's true what they say about mexicains... those guys have potent sperm of steel. Okay... maybe that was a little much. hahahaha

On Feb 14th 2005, my best friend Mara showed up at my house with a pregnancy test that she had laying around her house. Which just the fact that Mara had this pregnancy test just laying around, brought the funniest look on my face. Now after 30 seconds and a little lighter... the test came back postitive! I don't know why I was shocked or scared but the reality of what I decided in January was now not a thought, but actually a fact! So being the Gideon that I am.... **wink wink ** I went to Walgreens on Garland and purchased every pregnancy test they had. Then proceeded to pee away money like I have never done before ~ literally! Right there on the bathroom counter, was a EPT, Blue Clear Easy, Walgreens Special, Mara's hanging around the house prego test and every other test ever made; telling me, "Christina... you are going to be a mother!" I remember the fear and anxiety I felt... I planned this baby and I wanted it but I went right into BABY SHOCK or that is what all my therapists AKA "the girlfriends" called it!

So I didn't accept that I was pregnant and didn't tell a single soul except my close friends and family. The first ultrasound I got, I was 8 weeks along, give or take a couple days. Here I'm laying on this cold stretcher and remember this young-wet-behind-the-ears-ultrasound-STUDENT telling me, "There's your baby!" Now looking up at a black and white screen and thinking to myself but speaking out loud :( ... "Yeahhhhhhhhh...... I gonna need someone with some experience and maybe even a little gray haired because that just looks like your getting bad reception!" Katie, who became very dear to me, looked at me and said, "You knew you were pregnant, RIGHT?!?!" My response, "Well, that's what everyone keeps telling me?"

After that ultrasound... you would of thought, maybe I would of grasped the idea that I was pregnant... but I didn't! It wasn't till I was 10 weeks along and bleeding a little too much for my doctor's comfort level. So she sent me in for an emergency ultrasound and thats when I really grasped the whole idea of being pregnant. Well, as I was waiting and the fear of actually loosing this baby over took me... I sat in the waiting room bawling! Now picture this, at 10 weeks... you don't look pregnant, no one knows that your emotions are a little out of wack becuase of all the hormones you have going through your body.... NO! All they see, is this young lady, crying out of control, hogging the klennex box and disrupting their day time soap, showing on the television. I scared the people around me and at one moment, I remember hearing a little kid ask their parent, "Mommy, why is she crying?" Kids are amazing how real and true they are!

After a good hour of tests, I got the news everything was fine with my baby! My dear Mylah was going to be fine but now instead of being scared that I was going to be a mother. Now I was scared... how in the world am I..... ME... how was I going to raise this baby by myself! I was now a stastic and with every complaint that I hear about people having their taxes raised, somehow... I knew I was always going to be brought up by someone. Maybe not me personally but the idea that "YOUR" tax dollars are now going to be spent on another single mother's child, that killed me! I made my baby girl a stastic and I planned her! What did I do? That's all I could think about.

God though, stepped in at that moment! Not only did He step in and give me peace over the stares I got from the older generation because I was pregnant with no ring on my finger. He covered my ears, to the people pointing and whispering about me. He showed me so much love and kindness, that I honestly wasn't even able to say thank you fast enough. The thing that blow me even more out of the water, was how amazing and powerful our God is... The fact and this can't be changed and is solid proof of God's power and generousity to me. I didn't have to buy a single thing for my daughter! Nothing... I was so blessed by people's generosity. That Mylah was set up till she was two. I was blessed with actually too much stuff! I actually had stuff that I didn't even use or need but for some crazy thing... God proved to me, that I was more than just a stastic in his eyes... I was HIS! Can you imagine! At one point, I remember having to tell someone... "No but thank you though, God has already provided me with three cribs!"

Anyways... The whole reason for this blog... today in church, they did this drama to Kirk Franklin's "Lean on me!" song. That lyrics got me reflecting on what God has already done in my life! I was that girl in the story looking for a father... I was her and could relate so much! I HAD to lean on God! Even though I have some amazing girl friends and many more people in my life, but God was the one reason I made it through my first two years as a mother! Mylah is a gift from God and I know He is watching over us... Today God reminded me... Remember what I've already done in your life, your future is even brighter!!! Nothing is bigger than God. Thank you Jesus for watching over me and my family!!! Really don't think I would be here, if God didn't have His hand in my life! Thank you Jesus for my little Monkey, she is the apple of my eye and the best part of me!!!

WOW.. Aren't Fridays Suppose to be FUN?!?!?

"So Tina, do I call you that still or Sister Mary Clarence, or what?"

"It's going to take a million times of you reading that bible before, God will even see you!"

"So are you giving up sex and drinking?"

"Well, I don't throw too many sexual comments your way anymore. Seeing that your married to JESUS! Your just not fun anymore"

"What makes you better than me? Just cause you pray to God. Sorry to break it to you, your wasting you time!"

Doesn't sound too nice does it? That's just some of the stuff I've heard in the last three days from people that are supposedly my friends. Now I value my friends for being honest and straight to the point to me. BUT I am starting to think, that maybe we have jumped over that boundary line of friendship and crossed into a land of mean-ness. I can understand that being a Christian and believing in God, can be a little far out there if you watch the news and see the world through our earthly eyes! However, if you looked at the world through the way Jesus sees it and through what the Bible says to watch for. You'd notice that we are blessed and loved. There is a lot of good happening all around us. Then there is no way, I will ever think that I am better than anyone else. Hello, if I nailed up Jesus to that cross. Believe me, it would of taken more than just three nails to deal with all of my sins! So with all that being said....

Yesterday, I was given a first hand experience of what it feels like to live outside of our comforts. It was really a hard day and one that I spent mostly in prayer. Just trying to understand why and how "we" as humans have become so apathetic to the world around us.
First I get the news about a little girl, who was abandoned by her family because of a facial deformity (Cleft Palate) and the shame that she brought to the them. So here she was wondering the streets with a sign on her, like a Scarlett letter for the world to see she was an outcast, a reject. That little girl, was only two years old. It broke my heart and honestly, it was a little much for me to really bare. The idea that a child that young, has to experience rejections for something out of her own control. Just angers and saddens to my heart. As I sat with my little girl yesterday, playing house and ponies. I realized that my daughter doesn't know what it means to want or have needs. My child is very blessed and has many worldly things. I might be setting my daughter up, to be a worldly person who excepts the world and more. I really prayed yesterday, that God would guide me in making Mylah realize how blessed we really are and everything we have is because God blessed us and not because "we" think we deserve it.

However, even though I felt terrible about the little girl and her situation, God gave me peace. God has control over His children and exspecially the ones that too young to care for themselves and the elderly. So I know, God will see miracles happen out of this story and who knows...... maybe that little girl will change the hearts of millions with her story in the next few years. Which I pray will be the out come of this ugly start to life.

The thing that didn't bring me peace, was talking to my two of my friends about the situation. One of my friends, expressed that this was the norm and why would I even care. Maria (the two year old) wasn't my child! I didn't know what to say. This little girl is one of mine. I may not have the birthing scars for her but she is one of God's children. All the children of the world, are our responsibility as a whole. God commands of us to bring them up and teach them of God and His ways. So why in the world, is it okay for our generation to turn our head's and ignore the issue? I was so taken back by the apathy my friend showed but then, it wasn't a huge surprise.
When I turn on the news and see what "we" as society consider real issues. I realize that we are missing the boat all together.

Talking to my friend in Seattle, he shares with me about how there is typically one suicide a week on the bridge he lives under. This week alone, he said that there has been two people that have jumped and neither of them made it. As he was telling the story and sharing with me his concerns. His biggest issue was, "Man, two this week and it's only Weds... that's a little much!" As I listened and let him vent about his anger and dismay, I realized that it didn't bother him, that people were jumping... it bothered him, that there where so many jumping in one week! Trying to sort out the emotions of what I wanted to say and what needed to be said, I found myself praying to God. Why and How did we get like this? I asked "Seattle" (sorry don't think he wants me to share his name) why this isn't on the news and he's response was, "They don't want anymore copycats!"

Okay... now sometimes I am the slowest in the pact but really, I don't think we have an issue with copycats here. I think we are past that point and now, need to find away to do something about the problem. Not sharing the issue for everyone to acknowledge and come to terms with what is happening in thier back yards... to me, is Satan's hand covering the eyes of the people. Come on, there is so much happening around us and yesterday... God was really opening my eyes to the world we live in...

Man... starting to wish I knew what I prayed for months ago, when I asked for "His Eye's" Starting to think, that is a little much for anyone to really grasp! However, I wouldn't change this experience because God is changing me and helping me learn to love like He does! I just hope that as I continue onward... that God will send me strong people in Him to learn from. Thank you God for what you have already done and I thank you for what you will do! Please humble me more, to be a servant onto other's like Jesus was to the world! Thank you!!!

Prayer Requests...

1) That little girl (Maria), please pray for her! I know God has his hand in that situation but really no one is above prayer. Please keep her in mind and let God know, we do care for his children!

2) Andy and his team... please pray for them... they still have another 5 months and with the holidays coming up. Please pray that they all know without a doubt, that even though they are miles away from family and friends... they are still a huge part of our lives and prayer life!

3) That bridge in Seattle... pray for those people. When they get those ideas to end their life, I pray God will send a million angels to surround them!

Gideon Moment for Christina!

It's funny how sometimes, we take things in our lives and see them through our insecurities and not through God's Eyes. A title of a blog, a person's tone of voice and even sometimes, the looks that other's give us, Makes us question our own self-worth and gives us this feeling that there is something is wrong with us! I know that sounds crazy but if you really look at your life, everyone has those moments.

A couple days ago, I explored a profile of one amazing godly man. As I was looking over the pictures, the smiles and all the amazing miracles happening in the lives of others. I found myself wondering why wasn't I apart of this? Why? Yes, that's when God and me started the questions game all over again. Most of the times, I find myself asking and never really waiting for God to anwser, before I'm heading to the next question with God. Which you can imagine makes for a hard conversation with anyone.

As I let those ugly thoughts of worthlessness actually approach my mind and take hold of my every thought. I found myself, crying to God... why do You think I am worth all this stress? Which in turn, makes for an even harder moment to try to hear God's words. Today though, God slapped me back into reality. As I spent the night tossing and turning, I couldn't help but wonder... God what is it that your trying to say? Why all these tears? Why all the feelings of leadership but also, a mixture of weakness? I feel like Gideon; when he tested God with the wool, asked God Why me because I am the weakest of my tribe and Are you sure you really want to send me? . These where just a few of the questions that flowed out of my mouth in prayer.

Once again, God being such a patient and loving father, anwsered my questions this morning with a sweet but convicting email from a friend. As I read through the words of a God's messenger to me, I read what God has been saying to me for days! "Stop Christina, your being silly and I have plans for you!! I don't give you those feelings of worthlessness! You do that to yourself, with the help of Satan!!!"

With each word, I cried and couldn't help by thank God for being so amazing and patient with me! God is doing amazing things around me and reminding mr everyday that we are His! He wants us all to be in His presents 24/7 and those thoughts that we let capture our minds and control our emotions... those are NOT from Him. Those are thoughts from Satan, who trys to grab our time with God! I've learned a lot today and will be spending the day in prayer! Thank you God, for looking over my faults and loving me through the **TINA MOMENTS**

Prayer Request and one Praise Report!

1) Mary, after doing the ultrasound and biopsy, those lumps were nothing but a build up of fluid. When Mary told me, I have to admit... I hug that girl so tight that she actually had to tell me to let go! oops

2) Please Pray for Andy and his team... God is doing amazing things and with every prayer that we send, we protect them all.... one more prayer at a time! So PRAY!

3) Pray for me... Life is a little crazy with the move, work and school. Then with my walk with God, please pray that God will never let me go!!!! I don't ever want to go back to that pre-Jax woman! God is changing me... one tear at a time, lol! Thank you God!

Christina VS the "Pig" Doctor!

I met a doctor that kind of rubbed me wrong and not just a little but a whole lot of rubbing wrong!!!

Okay, so I did this code patient a couple weeks back with this doctor. In the code, he said some very condescending comments about nurses and how lazy we have become, depending on machines to do our job! Oh it took everything in me, not to blow up on him; however, the rolling of my eyes where a little hard for him to miss. OOPS! I think he got my point of being annoyed by up-tight doctors with God complexes!

Then just a week ago, I was in the cafeteria at Scared Heart having lunch with another doctor that I am friends with. I don't remember exactly what brought this meeting about, but somehow... "Dear Doctor that I rolled my eyes at", felt the need to come up to my table and know my doctor friend. Oh I was annoyed and irritated that I was spending my free moments with this PIG! Then when he joined our table, oh gosh... I had to start praying that I wouldn't say something to this man that could get me in trouble!

So there I am praying and smiling like I am listening to him; when the conversation switched to relationships. Then somewhere in the talk of good ones and bad relationships, we started to talk about what we were all looking for in the other half. I'm not really an active participant in the converstation at this point, more of just a listener and a head nodder. When the "PIG" discusses the woman's ROLE! Oh my GOSH! It took everything inside me, not to dump my tray of hospital food all over him. As he shares how a woman should know her way around any kitchen, always wear make-up and lord forbid, if she ever wear sweats! With every Bi-law that he was requiring for his future wife followed out of his mouth, my anger for this man grow out of control!

When my anger got to the point where I could see me screaming at this man, in front of the whole cafeteria and making a fool of myself. I stopped him and said something along the lines of.........."I wish you the best in finding your StepFord Wife, but I hate to remind you. When God made us women from the man's body. We were taken from your rib bone. NOT from man's toe and NOT from your neck. NO...we were taken from the middle of your body, which in turn would make us equal to you. We are to stand next to you men and help lift you up, as you would help lift us and support us! You being a doctor, I sure would hope this wouldn't be too hard for you to understand. If a woman was suppose to be trampled on by a guy like you, we would of been taken from the toe!" Then I walked away totally shocked at what I had said but feeling amazing. Since I felt like I conquered a "Pigish" Man with my "woman power" speech!
Later, I ran into my friend and we had a laugh because he wasn't sure if he should of laughed or reprimanded me, either way... it was a moment in his day, that he was for sure sharing in surgery! lol Go figure!!! ** TINA MOMENTS **

ANYWAYS... this is where the story gets even more interesting!

So I was at Valley working and I ran into the "PIG" in the elevator! Totally shocked to see him and a little embarressed... I got on and tried not to look him in the eyes! Then I felt the need to apoligize and I did. At that moment, he said that he was wrong and that he loved my personality and spunk! Really... Who uses Spunk!!!! Well anyways, Valley not being big at all with only three floors... he got off the elevator on two and stopped the door from closing and asked me out on a date. A little shocked and surprised, I laughed and told him that I would have to think about it because I wasn't a girl made to be belittled by anyone and I don't care how much they make!

However, if I was to look back at my childhood dreams of what my prince charming looked like... I have to say, he did look a lot like this PIG, lol but man, his attitude was way better in my head!!! Sometimes, it makes me laugh how guys think girls will just fall over backwards for them. I am not one of those girls at all. I did learn one thing though from this ordeal.... Christina still has HER Sexy!!! Glad to see that I didn't loose that.

All I Can Say Is Thank YOU!!

As I walked into church today, expecting an amazing sermon and awesome worship time, I came to realize that I am very blessed. Typically I am one of those few people that comes to church with tunnel vision. My whole goal is to make it to Mylah's class and to my seat, before someone stops me and does the awkward Hellos'! Now I know that as a Christian, we are suppose to be these pillars of up lifting words to each other and creatures of fellowship but I am not one of those people that does that.

I actually feel those moments are very weird and staged. They are not meaningful to me, which makes me sound terrible but that's me. The thing that even makes this more interesting, I am a social butterfly outside of church. I am one of those people that can strike up a conversation in a public bathroom washing my hands with a stranger or even checking out at the gorcery store. I'm not shy at all! At work, I typically have to be threaten with a write up before I come to realize, "Christina this is not the time to talk!" SO why is it... that a place, where everyone is there to worship and love on each other. I can't! Today, I found myself checking the clock at 10:05 wondering... "Okay, we should be starting?!?!?" This is why I come late to church, so I can miss all this awkward feelings!

It's almost like there is this fear of opening up to these people (Christians). It's like I know they care but something inside me, just doesn't want one of them to check me on my faults or areas of concern. See all of the friends I have close to my life, thier amazing and they think wonders of me. However, not one of them is Christian. I can honestly say, I don't have one Christian friend. The one I did have, I was told by God to let go of because God needed them more and I was a henderenace to them right now. So with the rest of my friends, they think I am amazing, and nothing is wrong with me. Except they all believe that I am a little weird for loving God or believing in Him but none of them really step on my toes and they all still love me. So too them, they don't really know how to give me advice for my life and I can't really turn to them because they don't pray for those words to tell me. Which is dangerous, if you think about it! So I am blessed that God sent me this out going and fun loving church!

See today at church, my mission to be unnoticed, blow up in my face! Just walking up the stairs at church, people are there to greet me and notice me. Then walking down the stairs to Mylah's class, I walk around that corner to the fellowship room and there stands dear Jane. Who I've become acquainted with through the phone calls to the church. There she is, with the biggest smile on her face. She was excited to see me and she waved her hand like stranded man on an island signaling for help. I felt amazing and couldn't help it, but smiled in appreciation! Then just trying to by pass without stopping... Ronnie and everyone else, stops me. Loves on my daughter and me and really show me Jesus. I am blessed and thankful that God sent me amazing people and I feel even more amazing that I feel at home finally!

Anyways... one more thing with today little lesson. Something Pastor Vaughn said today really got me thinking and still stands out.

Then Jesus said to him, "Go away, Satan! Because it is written, 'You must worship the Lord your God and serve only him.'" Matthew 4.10

After Pastor Vaughn tells us this, he stops and says... Jesus tells Satan to go away with scripture! Now I've read a couple of the books now in the bible, still not a 100% on everything that I've read or can honestly say I've grasped everything, but I have read a couple times in the bible. Where Jesus did preach or recited the words from the Bible. The idea that He did this, that didn't hit me till today. I don't know if that hit you like it did me, but that just talked wonders to me and brought me back to a couple months ago. Where I heard very solidly, "Christina, your no longer that "new" Christian. That is no longer an excuse, it's now become procrastination. It's time to mature and became someone that I can use in this army of mine!" As I sat there in the pew, totally focused on those words on the screen... I started to pray thank you. If Jesus needed to study and use these amazing words from the bible during His walk here on earth. Lord knows that I need them more because I don't come even close to what Jesus is, was or will be! This verse brought more meaning to why I get up early in the morning to read and pray. It gave me more reasons to be thankful!

Prayer Requests...

1) My friend Mary just found a lump in her breast and like any normal human being... she is freaked. So please pray peace, joy and most of... send her amazing people to love on her! I love that girl and can't imagine my job without her there! So please pray for her!!!

2) Andy and his amazing mission with the kids down in Mexico. He's changing so many people's lives and doing amazing things! Pray for him and his team down there, as these weeks become a month... I know some must fight homesickness and really missing thier families and loved ones. SO please pray for them too!

3) Mel and everyone else at my church... I pray that as I grow more in the word and become more confortible with my new church family, I pray that we can all grow into an amazing church family that holds each other up with loving hands and words of comfort! Thank you Jesus for this family and making me a part of it.