Parenthood... Love it or Hate it?

My daughter is the joy of my life. Watching her grow into a toddler has brought out so many different emotions out of me that honestly... trying to sum up one year in a 30 minute conversation... It wouldn't happen. I don't think even a weekend retreat, could even touch on how much one year of Mylah's life, has changed my life daily. The way I think. The things I do. Basically every aspect of my life is centered around that little pint size version of me, with a tan. I love motherhood and wouldn't trade it for anything.

However... I do remember a time, right before I accept my fate of becoming a mother where I was scared. I was totally freaked out. The selfish part of me was scared that I was losing my freedom. Actually with the parenthood... there is this false fear of loosing freedom. I remember Stephen telling me once, "I love you Christina, but I don't know if I can handle being a dad!" That moment in my life, cut me to the core. That little moment in time, that moment in front of a choice, "HIM or Mylah!" Made me realize that being a mother would always come before any of my own self interests. That little girl of mine... she would be my number one. That to me is what parenthood is all about. Your children become the essense of your being. My joy in life... is seeing that little girl smile and laugh. Seeing her master a 100 piece puzzle or doing a silly little dance to the veggie tale song. Watching her grow and knowing that I am parenting to the best of my ability... that is parenting.

At work, I met the other parent. The parent that could careless about her childs cry and hardship. Who found the idea of a doctor visit, a totally unnessary visit even though the child showed totally signs of being deathly ill. As I watched a little child suffer and knew from the bottom of my heart... this could of all been prevented had the parent done normal check-ups with a family doctor. My anger for this parent grew out of control. :(

I just don't understand our society anymore. We are so quick to discard a child because of the strain the child plays on our freedom. We are even quicker to send our parents to retirement communities because we don't know how to talk to them anymore or care for them. What happened to the family values? What happened to parents? Everyday at work has gotten harder and harder but today... it was the hardest because as I sat there with this child, totally hurting and in tears... I watched a parent hush her child so she could watch T.V. What killed me more... was knowing that we were going to be discharging this child back to this "unworthy" parent. Our society has not only gotten to the point where we don't seem to care but hey... if you do care, "here! we'll give you a pill to take the emotion away." ARGH!

It just makes me so mad. There are so many people who want kids but can't. Then I see these parents and think to myself... "Really?!?!? God are you serious?" I just don't understand but I still find myself praying for this family and knowing... God will intervien. He always does... just sometimes... I wish HE worked on my clock.