As I go through old scrapbooks and boxes and boxes of old mail and love letters. I couldn't help but find myself reminesing about the past and the many, many lucky and blessed moments in my life. My whole life has been one interesting joy ride and for some crazy reason. God is really opening my eyes and making me aware of where I have come from.

At a young age, I was trouble for my mum. Always grabbing peoples' attention and never really knowing what it meant to follow the rules. I remember once, I convienced my brother Robby at the rip old age of 4; that Mary Poppins magic to fly wasn't from her umbrella... NO!!!... it was from her skirt. I said this because my mum was forcing me to wear a skirt to a family shin-dig and I was a soccer player ~aka ~ a little tomboyish. Now I can't remember the exact details of the story or what the exact words were that convienced my brother but when it was all said and done. My brother had jumped out of our two window with a skirt on and I am so lucky we lived over a fire department in Germany. My brother didn't get too badly hurt, just a little broken arm but man, my butt sure did get blistered when my mom and her wooden spoon were done with me!

I remember being 5 and stuck in a bed for almost 7 months in a Germany. I was in a coma for the first few months and my mum was being told that there was nothing the doctors could do. They basically told her, "Chrissly (my mom's nickname for me) only has a 5% chance of living! Praying is the only thing that is going to save her." Somehow I had contracted Meningitis and by the time it was caught, it was too late. For a good two weeks before getting admitted into the hopsital for my nice 7 month stay, doctors kept telling my mum that I just had the flu. Anyone that knows my mum, knows she went nuts and being a single mother too; I can't imagine the hardships I caused her as a child. I was also the one that brought home the chicken pox to the family! My mum at the nice age of 29, got chicken pox for the first time ever, thanks to me.

When my mum met Rick, who IS my dad. I remember giving them so much greif and making it so hard for my mum. Running away with my brother and let's not forget my legos! It was awesome though... because when Robby and me got lost just a couple blocks away from home in Darmstadt. I remember my mum walking up to us, with her arms wide open to embrace her two scared kids who never lost grip of thier legos. My mom was always a superhero in my eyes.

However, as I got older and mum & me became more alike. We fought like crazy lunatics under our Spokane home. Our strong relationship that had formed during my younger years, vanished by my 13 birthday. I became someone totally different than what my mum had raised me up to be. I started drinking and living life for me. Then in my 8th grade year, right before entering into high school with all my friends who had turned into my family in my eyes. My family looses everything to house fire. My parent's ceramic store was totally gone in just two hours and every little thing I thought was important to me.

When I look back now and read my dairies entries of those days. I come to realize that God was everywhere that night. My little brother Steven is alive which is a mircle. The volenteer fire fighters refused to go in for Steven but my dad did. Three times and on the third time, he says, "I heard Steven cough!" Funny... Steven was dead when my dad took him out of fire. There is no way Steven could of coughed! Robby still to this day is unable to explain how he got out of the store. He just remembers fainting in the kitchen. My mother wasn't able to come back in, she says that there was something stopping her. I got pushed down the stairs and when I turned around to yell at my brother... no one was there! All three of us kids were put into ICU and once again... COMA! Yeah... starting to think this is my thing!

Then as I go through more boxes in my closet I come across some letters from school class mates, yearbooks and then homework that I have saved over the years. With each sheet that I decide to finally let go of, I find myself laughing, crying and every once in the while... thinking wow... I wore that! Why did I ever think polka dots and strips where a cool thing to wear together and don't get me started on the many pictures of me with the side pony tails and huge earrings! WOW... However, I can say... I have never sported the mullet!!!

The one thing that I did find today that got me to stop and really reflect and thank God for all my blessings, was my baptizing certificate. At the nice age of 23, I actaully got saved. Now I didn't get saved like most people. Bob Loflin did a prophetic prayer over me. Funny it took Bob asking me in front of my whole church three times before I finally said, "Okay... Do whatever you need to do to make you happy!" Now anyone that was there that night at Open Bible, can tell you how amazing it was. There in front of a huge church, was this man telling me who I was and things that no one knew. He explained to me the details of my rape, the feelings I felt about suicide, the fire and than in the most amazing way ever... God just wanted me to know, I was never alone and HE LOVED ME! I got so scared and freaked out; that I didn't step foot in the church for almost 3 months. I really had to grasp the fact that there was really a GOD and He was always with me.

So as I sat on the floor in my bedroom today, looking at this slightly torn paper that represented my public confession to the world that I was GOD's. I started to pray and cry... thank you God for being so merciful and amazing. Looking over my shameful moments in life and still seeing me as one of yours! God really has changed me and made me HIS! I don't deserve a single thing that He has already given me and when I cry about the lost friendships that I already have experienced. I know God has more amazing plans for me. I am HIS and I will never go back to that "OLD TINA!" that I found in most of my scrapbooks. She wasn't happy but she did do an amazing job at faking happiness! Thank you Jesus for saving a wretch like me... I can only imagine that day I can finally say thank you face to face, think I will be a huge ball of mush!

One more thing... Today God really just spoke words of peace into my life. He made me realize through an amazing email from Shawna. Even though, I might feel alone right now and isolated from the life I use to remember... God has His hand in my situation and He has it all planned out. I just need to relax and be thankful. Thank you Shawna.... you'll never understand what your friendship means to me!

Prayer Requests...

Please continue to pray for the families down in California, as the number of homes being demolished raises with each passing hour, please pray!!! As I watch the news today, I can't help but think... WOW, is this really happening? Please also stick a couple more prayers in there for my Dear City close to my heart, Santa Barbara... Please pray! I talked to a Stephen and he said that he is fine but some of his friends aren't that lucky. Please pray over those who have already lost their homes!

Then continue to also pray for Andy and his mission team. Pray peace over their minds because I have a feeling that some of the people down there in Mexico. Are also being effected by this fire in California, seeing that this church is based in LA. So pray peace and safety over their family back at home.

Lastly... Dear Maria. Pray for that amazing two year old! Thank you for praying.