Mylah's Story!!!

This weekend's end came faster then I really wanted it to come. I just layed monkey down for a nap and now have a couple moments to really reflect on this amazing weekend. I came to terms with the fact, our God is amazing! I am so blessed and sometimes, I find it hard to believe how blessed I really am. With everything going on in life and feeling a little out of control of my own life. I really find it hard sometimes, to just smile in comfort that God sees me trying to make it HIS day! Today God reminded me how much I mean to Him with a drama preformed by teenagers. I think it's funny how God uses some of the most amazing outlets to grab people and shake them up.

The drama brought me back to January 2005, just a couple days after my 24th birthday, I am sitting in a doctor's office getting the news that I may never have kids. At the young and partying age, may I remind you... I get the unsettling news that my dreams of being a mother, may never come true. It seemed that my female parts were turning against me like crazy and I was in the gyno's office almost every week for a good three months straight. My gyno and me were on first name bases and honestly, anyone that knows you better than you know yourself (**WINK WINK **).... that's someone to keep close!

Anyways... My boyfriend at the time, wasn't the best relationship for me and we were actually at a point where we had broken up for the 15th millionth time due to some stupid and crazy fight. Well, I went to him and asked anyways... "Hey, I don't know how to ask this... but you want have a kid?" We talked it out for about three hours and funny how that seemed to be enough time to discuss the next 18 years! Well, once the talking was done, we tried once. Turns out it's true what they say about mexicains... those guys have potent sperm of steel. Okay... maybe that was a little much. hahahaha

On Feb 14th 2005, my best friend Mara showed up at my house with a pregnancy test that she had laying around her house. Which just the fact that Mara had this pregnancy test just laying around, brought the funniest look on my face. Now after 30 seconds and a little lighter... the test came back postitive! I don't know why I was shocked or scared but the reality of what I decided in January was now not a thought, but actually a fact! So being the Gideon that I am.... **wink wink ** I went to Walgreens on Garland and purchased every pregnancy test they had. Then proceeded to pee away money like I have never done before ~ literally! Right there on the bathroom counter, was a EPT, Blue Clear Easy, Walgreens Special, Mara's hanging around the house prego test and every other test ever made; telling me, "Christina... you are going to be a mother!" I remember the fear and anxiety I felt... I planned this baby and I wanted it but I went right into BABY SHOCK or that is what all my therapists AKA "the girlfriends" called it!

So I didn't accept that I was pregnant and didn't tell a single soul except my close friends and family. The first ultrasound I got, I was 8 weeks along, give or take a couple days. Here I'm laying on this cold stretcher and remember this young-wet-behind-the-ears-ultrasound-STUDENT telling me, "There's your baby!" Now looking up at a black and white screen and thinking to myself but speaking out loud :( ... "Yeahhhhhhhhh...... I gonna need someone with some experience and maybe even a little gray haired because that just looks like your getting bad reception!" Katie, who became very dear to me, looked at me and said, "You knew you were pregnant, RIGHT?!?!" My response, "Well, that's what everyone keeps telling me?"

After that ultrasound... you would of thought, maybe I would of grasped the idea that I was pregnant... but I didn't! It wasn't till I was 10 weeks along and bleeding a little too much for my doctor's comfort level. So she sent me in for an emergency ultrasound and thats when I really grasped the whole idea of being pregnant. Well, as I was waiting and the fear of actually loosing this baby over took me... I sat in the waiting room bawling! Now picture this, at 10 weeks... you don't look pregnant, no one knows that your emotions are a little out of wack becuase of all the hormones you have going through your body.... NO! All they see, is this young lady, crying out of control, hogging the klennex box and disrupting their day time soap, showing on the television. I scared the people around me and at one moment, I remember hearing a little kid ask their parent, "Mommy, why is she crying?" Kids are amazing how real and true they are!

After a good hour of tests, I got the news everything was fine with my baby! My dear Mylah was going to be fine but now instead of being scared that I was going to be a mother. Now I was scared... how in the world am I..... ME... how was I going to raise this baby by myself! I was now a stastic and with every complaint that I hear about people having their taxes raised, somehow... I knew I was always going to be brought up by someone. Maybe not me personally but the idea that "YOUR" tax dollars are now going to be spent on another single mother's child, that killed me! I made my baby girl a stastic and I planned her! What did I do? That's all I could think about.

God though, stepped in at that moment! Not only did He step in and give me peace over the stares I got from the older generation because I was pregnant with no ring on my finger. He covered my ears, to the people pointing and whispering about me. He showed me so much love and kindness, that I honestly wasn't even able to say thank you fast enough. The thing that blow me even more out of the water, was how amazing and powerful our God is... The fact and this can't be changed and is solid proof of God's power and generousity to me. I didn't have to buy a single thing for my daughter! Nothing... I was so blessed by people's generosity. That Mylah was set up till she was two. I was blessed with actually too much stuff! I actually had stuff that I didn't even use or need but for some crazy thing... God proved to me, that I was more than just a stastic in his eyes... I was HIS! Can you imagine! At one point, I remember having to tell someone... "No but thank you though, God has already provided me with three cribs!"

Anyways... The whole reason for this blog... today in church, they did this drama to Kirk Franklin's "Lean on me!" song. That lyrics got me reflecting on what God has already done in my life! I was that girl in the story looking for a father... I was her and could relate so much! I HAD to lean on God! Even though I have some amazing girl friends and many more people in my life, but God was the one reason I made it through my first two years as a mother! Mylah is a gift from God and I know He is watching over us... Today God reminded me... Remember what I've already done in your life, your future is even brighter!!! Nothing is bigger than God. Thank you Jesus for watching over me and my family!!! Really don't think I would be here, if God didn't have His hand in my life! Thank you Jesus for my little Monkey, she is the apple of my eye and the best part of me!!!