It's funny how sometimes, we take things in our lives and see them through our insecurities and not through God's Eyes. A title of a blog, a person's tone of voice and even sometimes, the looks that other's give us, Makes us question our own self-worth and gives us this feeling that there is something is wrong with us! I know that sounds crazy but if you really look at your life, everyone has those moments.
A couple days ago, I explored a profile of one amazing godly man. As I was looking over the pictures, the smiles and all the amazing miracles happening in the lives of others. I found myself wondering why wasn't I apart of this? Why? Yes, that's when God and me started the questions game all over again. Most of the times, I find myself asking and never really waiting for God to anwser, before I'm heading to the next question with God. Which you can imagine makes for a hard conversation with anyone.
As I let those ugly thoughts of worthlessness actually approach my mind and take hold of my every thought. I found myself, crying to God... why do You think I am worth all this stress? Which in turn, makes for an even harder moment to try to hear God's words. Today though, God slapped me back into reality. As I spent the night tossing and turning, I couldn't help but wonder... God what is it that your trying to say? Why all these tears? Why all the feelings of leadership but also, a mixture of weakness? I feel like Gideon; when he tested God with the wool, asked God Why me because I am the weakest of my tribe and Are you sure you really want to send me? . These where just a few of the questions that flowed out of my mouth in prayer.
Once again, God being such a patient and loving father, anwsered my questions this morning with a sweet but convicting email from a friend. As I read through the words of a God's messenger to me, I read what God has been saying to me for days! "Stop Christina, your being silly and I have plans for you!! I don't give you those feelings of worthlessness! You do that to yourself, with the help of Satan!!!"
With each word, I cried and couldn't help by thank God for being so amazing and patient with me! God is doing amazing things around me and reminding mr everyday that we are His! He wants us all to be in His presents 24/7 and those thoughts that we let capture our minds and control our emotions... those are NOT from Him. Those are thoughts from Satan, who trys to grab our time with God! I've learned a lot today and will be spending the day in prayer! Thank you God, for looking over my faults and loving me through the **TINA MOMENTS**
Prayer Request and one Praise Report!
1) Mary, after doing the ultrasound and biopsy, those lumps were nothing but a build up of fluid. When Mary told me, I have to admit... I hug that girl so tight that she actually had to tell me to let go! oops
2) Please Pray for Andy and his team... God is doing amazing things and with every prayer that we send, we protect them all.... one more prayer at a time! So PRAY!
3) Pray for me... Life is a little crazy with the move, work and school. Then with my walk with God, please pray that God will never let me go!!!! I don't ever want to go back to that pre-Jax woman! God is changing me... one tear at a time, lol! Thank you God!
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