Mylah's Got Jokes!

Okay... now I want you to take a good look at that photo! Notice that Mylah is laughing in a very jolly way and my smile is one of surprise and embarrassing wonder! So there is a story to this amazing photo, that I will for sure scrapbook for my little girl but I wanted to share it with you too!

Last weekend, when we were at the Finch playing Hiding-Go-Seek with Grandma. We stopped a couple times to capture some amazing mommy and daughter moment shots. Now if you know me, you know there was a lot of laughing happening and if you ever heard me laugh. You know people noticed. Now my daughter in this shot, looks at me and states, "Mommy, I can laugh like you!" Then proceeds to let out this high pitch shriek, kinda like a witch hackle! I couldn't believe it and my Mom busted up laughing and took this shot! My daughter... I tell you what! I love that little girl so much and can't imagine my life without her. Oh the laughs I would be without!!! She's just like me!!! WOW!

Jesus prays for me? What?!?!?

Okay... so for the last few weeks, I have been jumping into the word like crazy. It's almost become an obsession of mine. I can't seem to get enough of the bible and what it has to say. Now it's not because I got nothing better to do or feel this total purpose -aka- guilt to read the bible but instead, feel this peace about me and I almost feel like that window of communication with that amazing God of ours, is getting bigger. I am understanding more and the more I understand... it seems like God says... "Okay, here one more piece of the puzzle to your divine purpose I made for you!" It's amazing!!!

Anyways... way off subject!

This week, I have been teaching myself about prayer and how important it is to pray. Now for some people, the only time they pray is right before taking a pregancy test or an exam at school but for some others... it's only when life totally roars out of control and the only one that seems to listen, is God. Okay wait... Those were my only reasons to pray. WELL, the only reasons and times I "use" to pray.

See I felt ridiculas to sit in a room and talk to someone that I didn't see and then, if someone else heard me praying... WOW! Then I would always question, how do we ever really know if God heard us?

Hello!?!?!?

In the world according to WIKIAnwsers... there are over 2.1 billion Christians in the world. Now being the bunisess math geek that I am... I have to put numbers on this whole ordeal... So let's just say, that 1% of that 2.1 billion Christians pray at once. That's 21,000,000 people praying at one time. Now being that I am female and we are gifted with this amazing talent to follow a conversation with a couple of people at once, there is no way I could follow 21 million people talking at once! Yeah, not so much!!! NOW let's say that out of the 21 million praying at once... 1% has "real" needs. Meaning family members dying, lost job or something that is really terrible happening in their life... that is 21,000. Okay... are you seeing where my problem comes in. I find it hard to believe anything going on in my life, out numbers any of those other prayers, so why would mine be heard by my God? Why would my prayer mean anything to Him? I mean God has more important things to worry about, then Christina here in little old Spokane! Well, today's lesson... really did a number on me today!

So I am going through the regular bible verses this online bible study tells me to read. Going through and basically reading the same thing over and over again, but just in different text.

First, Moses Prayed and from what I understand, Moses is considered the founder of the church body. Don't hold me to that now, because I could be way off track since I am still learning!!!! However, that is what I am getting out all the stuff I have read. So if our founder and/or leader does this, they are showing us a model of how God wants us to live. Moses wasn't above God anymore than we are, so if Moses needs to pray... we need to pray too and realize... Moses was choosen to part seas. So what quilifies us to thinking we don't need prayer in our life!

Secondly, Jesus Prayed. Okay...now this was a little hard for me to really grasp. Why would Jesus pray? This man who can heal the blind and leprosy with just His words. Am I the only one that finds this a little baffling? Then I read this bible verse... Luke 22.31-32 which is....

"Simon, Simon, listen! Satan has asked permission to sift all of you like wheat, but I have prayed for you that your own faith may not fail. When you have come back, you must strengthen your brothers."

Holy cow! Right there in front of my eyes, is the most amazing passage ever and totally talks to my heart and I stop and just chew on that. The whole idea that Jesus knows, "we" are sinners, we basically suck ~ in modern terms! We will be tempted by Satan and we WILL fail. God knows this, He actually expects it from us almost. However, Jesus knows and loves us so much, that He still prays for me knowing I will fail Him! I don't know if that talks to your heart but that talks wonders to mine. I think about people that just rub me the wrong way, over and over again or how about someone from my past that has really hurt me. How quick I am to banish them from my life and loose any possible link to them. I can't imagen praying over and over again for that person, knowing they will still continue to hurt me.

Our God is so amazing and everyday I am just blown away by Him more and more! Well, think that is enough for now... but pretty sure tomorrow's blog will still be on this passage because man, there is just so much in these two sentences! WOW!!! I am still in awe!!! My mind is still in over-load just trying to grasp everything in those two verses.

Prayer Requests...

1) Mara's dad had surgery yesterday... Pray for his recovery and for the family. I can't imagen all the emotions they must be going through.

2) Andy's mission trip down in Mexico. Whatever God has planned for that man, I pray it's amazing and something sensational. Also still pray for Faith and Chad's recovery too and getting thier lives back in order.

3) Mel, a girl from my church. She has a lot of things going on around her and really just needs to know that people are praying for her. SO let's send so many prayers and blessings her way, that it will be a little overwhelming for her! Plus she asked for prayer... so when someone steps out for prayer. You know they need it!!!! SO PRAY!

4) My move... pray that everything that needs to get done, gets done and whatever I think I should worry about, turns into a blessing and maybe a good laugh!

Thank you Jesus... I can't wait for more time with you tomorrow!

I'm feeling a little sheepish today!!!

Today wasn't one of my best days ever. It also wasn't even my worst day ever. It was just one of those days, where you watched the clock and swear the hour hand was going backwards instead of forward. I don't know if it's just because I have so much on my plate right now with church, volenteering, being a mom, school and work or if it's just the fact that I seem to of hit a wall of apathy. Whatever it is... today everyone at work noticed. Everyone noticed so much, that it got annoying!

I think it's lovely that everyone knows me as the girl who smiles all the time, but man, can't I have a down day. A day where I just show no emotion at all. I wasn't mad or sad or anything... I was just there to work today. By the seventh to a millionth person asking me... "Christina What's wrong? Where's your smile!" I wanted to go off and scream at people... "NOTHING IS WRONG WITH ME! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" It was a hard day!

At one point, I actually had to leave the floor to go pray because I felt myself thinking and feeling things that aren't me. I was getting mad at people caring about me. I was getting frustrated at people for showing concern. When I started to pray and ask for guidance with myself, the whole ordeal made me realize I wasn't there at my job for Jesus! I was missing my purpose of being there today, by a mile if not longer!!!!

See yesterday pastor Vaughn said something that just struck a cord with me "If you leave work mad or unsettled about a days hard work, you weren't at work for Jesus. You were there for the money and yourself." How true is that!!! That just really brought new light on me and so much conviction !!! I just really need to remember people expect my smile everyday. That's my gift God gave me, so when I hide it... I can understand why people are concerned! Plus maybe concerning comments were God hints to me saying... "Hello, Your missing ME today! Bring your focus back to ME" I don't know ... whatever it was today... I just hope tomorrow and the rest of the week is better.

The one thing that I did learn from today's ordeals is... I have a huge pet peeve about people asking you a question. You giving them anwser your anwser. Then them deciding that anwser wasn't good enough for them, so they pry... Here something to know about me, if I give you an anwser. That's the truth!!!!!!!!! I don't have an issue with holding anything back and then most of all, don't try to play Dr. Phil on me! That just doesn't go over well with me, even if I am smiling !!!! I think that was the hardest thing for me to deal with today. Anyways... just wanted to vent... thanks for reading... I am praying that tomorrow is a lot better than today.

Initiative 1000... I'm speechless!!! I know surprising!

Washington Initiative 1000, also known as I-1000, is an initiated state statute that will appear on the November 4, 2008 ballot in the state of Washington. The official ballot measure title refers to the measure as "aid in dying." Supporters of the measure refer to it as the Death with Dignity initiative, but critics refer to it as the Assisted Suicide initiative.

Initiative 1000 would allow mentally competent, terminally ill adults the legal choice to request and self-administer a lethal overdose of medication. In 1991, Initiative 119, a similar (but broader) measure, failed with 46% of the vote. The 2008 ballot initiative is more restrictive in that it explicitly prohibits euthanasia and lethal injections.

The initiative is based on Oregon Measure 16, which Oregon voters passed in 1994. Oregon is the only state to have enacted similar legislation. and overwhelmingly re-approved after a U.S. Supreme Court challenge in 1997. (wikipedia)

WOW... When did we become God?

When did we lose so much faith in our God?

In the many years that I have worked in a hospital, I have seen my share of miracles, suffering and yes, moments that made me question GOD, why? However, in no way was I ever in the right frame of mind to play GOD! I can't imagen sitting in front of God on judgement day and having God ask me... "So when did this make sense to you because I still had plans for them? I still need them on earth!"

"OOPS!" Yeah, not sure that response will work at that moment.

On the other hand... meaning my nursing side.... there are moments where I feel like, "okay God... it's their time, let them go to you!" In those moments, more often than none, I always learn that my patient who was lying in that bed. Who was unresponsive to any person's voice, touch and/or me giving them comfort-care measures. They always seemed to wait for something. Whether it was that last family member located on the other side of the world, racing to say their good-byes or my patient seemed to wait for someone to say, "okay it's time... we're okay with your passing!".

From my experience, God has shown me that he has plans with everyone up till that moment we take our last breathe. If God wanted us sooner, He would of called us sooner! That's just my thoughts!!!!

So when your at that voting booth... know what your voting for and pray before you mark the boxes or circles! Those votes count and that's your voice, so know what your saying to the world!!!!

Purpose, Expectations and A Feeling of Relief!

Two days ago, I found myself on the couch of my neighbor, wiping her tears away and hugging on her. See as the words about my future move flowed past my lips, those words brought tears to her eyes. I started to ask God, WHY? Why is it, that when He asks stuff from us or blesses us. Those blessings sometimes bring tears or feelings of saddness or sometimes questions.

As I watch this amazing lady tear up in fear that she may never see me again. I tried my best to encourage her and tell her that I would never forget her and promised to visit all the time. As I left her house and looked down my block of amazing neighbors that have loved on my daughter and me for the last three years almost. I realized that there would be more tears of saddness coming my way, when I informed the rest of them. I was a little wiped out from Nancy's visit and maybe a little chicken too, but I decided to hold off on the rest of those good byes till today.

So as I try to capture the right words to say and how I will convience these amazing people that I will never forget them and thank them for all the many memories. God anwsered my question this morning....

God gives us Purpose and Expectations throughout our lives. Sometimes that feeling of purpose, don't show up till the end of the journey. These goodbyes I hvae to make, make me realize that I was placed in this neighborhood on purpose. I was here because God wanted me here. Even though, I thought it was me doing it, IT WASN"T!!! Mylah brought so much life back to this AARP section of the valley. As Nancy's fear of not getting the chance to see Mylah grow into an amazing woman of God. I realized, that Mylah had so much purpose for these peoples' lives. God reminds me of the summers where the neighbors sat on their porches and watched my little girl play in the water. They watched and loved on Mylah so much. That little girl was another grandchild to a lot of these amazing neighbors. There was so much laughter on this block, due to watching Mylah learning and growing in front of our eyes everyday.

Then God reminded me of my mission trip to New York City in 2002. How I felt so lonely and useless there, thinking that I was wasting my time and questioning God everyday about why I was there. I remember a couple of times, crying myself to sleep because I was homesick. However, it wasn't till the bus ride home from Seattle, that I learned about my purpose. As we were sharing our favorite moments of the trip, I had two of my room-mates tell me that they were blessed having me there with them. Johnathan said that he learned so much by watching me with people. I remember him telling me, that it amazed him about how I never judge a single person and treated everyone with love. Than Spears told me, that it stunned him to watch how people felt so comfortible with me. Even a little trip on a subway or bus and I could get a person spilling their guts in laughter and joy about life.

As more people shared with me about their moments of amazement... I started to cry! Realizing that during that whole trip, even though I felt like I had no purpose there. I actually had more purpose than what I was giving myself credit for. God had purpose for me in New York. God also couldn't share that purpose with me because honestly, I would of screwed it ALL up and maybe, would of tried too hard to be me. Hope that makes sense? If not, just nod your head and move on. lol

So today as the words of Good Bye flow through my lips to my neighbors. I will know that even though this is sad and a little unsure moment in my life. I have to know God has a plan and purpose for Mylah and me. Even if sometimes, I don't understand it right away. Sometimes those reasons of God's aren't shown for days, months, even years but God will share them with you, in His time. So when I'm at work tomorrow or saying Hello to my neighbors or walking down the street today.... I need to remember, God put me there for a reason and purpose. It might seem like I'm doing nothing but OUR God has more amazing plans for our lives than anything we could dream up. I hope this gives you peace, like it has for me!
Prayer Requests still.......

1) Mara's dad, Gerald surgery tomorrow!!! qaudrupal heart surgery!!!

2) Andy and his mission trip down in Mexico... Pray for peace over his mind and heart. He's in God's hands right now and God is doing amazing things through him. Then his sister, Faith and Chad's recovery and peace over trying to get thier lives back in order!

3) My move!!!! Pray it goes smooth and if it doesn't... pray that I get a couple laughs out of all the stress that comes from moving! You can never laugh enough!!!!

Autumn Bring New Questions!

I woke up this morning to an amazing sunrise and a beautiful little girl drooling next to me. As I sat there in my room, starting to think about the long list of things I need to get done today. I started to realize how crazy my life has changed in the last few months. God has been doing amazing things in my life.

Lately I have been just teaching myself about God's calling for me and learning about how much I am loved. The lesson yesterday was about Gideon and how he asked God, "Why me and are you real?" As I read the passages at the beginning of Judges 6... I wonder to myself, why is it... that in the past, they were able to test God and God requests. They were able to check with God and know for sure... yes, this is what I am hearing and I am not going nuts.

Ministry is an amazing please to be and I really feel fortunate to be called that way. I just think that it is a huge commitment and I don't want to do it on my own will. So like Gideon tested God, this morning I told God. Okay, if this is what you want for me. I am going to let you guide me and prove to me this is what I am hearing. I will also be waiting to hear about where I belong in God's kingdom here on earth. I just hope that as I continue this amazing walk, that God sends me more amazing people to guide me and help me blossom.

I am just going to trust that God has my best interest in hand. I just wish, they involved Andy. Hey God, do you hear me... I want a guy like Andy in my future. A guy so in love with you, that I need to search you first before loving him. Please lord, I want a God fearing man, that will love me, like you command in the bible. Thank you Lord Jesus, for what I have experienced and what you have in my future... I will wait for Your response!

Thanks... your little terrible two child!!!

ME

I'm Moving!

Okay... three days ago, I was happy as pie about my place of living. Never even thought about moving till I bought a house. Turns out, God had other plans for me. Yesterday it was brought to my attention about another home that was going up on the market, which was twice the size of my house, way cheaper and really more secure. Which is something huge for me!!! Plus its closer to my parents, church and school. Really excited about that and can't wait. Told my landlord tonight and will be moving on the last weekend of November... So let's pray, the snow holds off till then! Anyways... huge praise report and I wasn't even praying for that! Now that it amazing for me!

When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!

This last April I got to experience surgery for the first time in my life. It was the first time, where the whole idea that my life was in someone else's hands... really hit home. Now for Christians, we are suppose to be in God's hands 24/7 but the real truth is... most of us, have control issues!

I know I did!

So when I got up to the surgery holding area, I was freaked out. I didn't have my family or friends there because I knew they would freak me out more. All I wanted was the drugs to make me not care!!! Gotta love Valium!!! Now here I am totally drugged and about to go under the knife with a doctor that I have known for a couple of years. I didn't really know much about him but the little Hellos through the halls and the small talks in the elevators but we never really had a "meaningful" conversation.

However I trusted him and was handing over my life to him with no real hard questions being asked on my part. Meaning I never asked why should I trust my life to him and what I actually meant to him, othere than money in the pocket? I just signed that long contract of a language only a lawyer could understand. Knowing that my doctor really wasn't a 100 % positive that I was coming out of this surgery alive. There was a high percentage that I was but really it wasn't a 100% positive!

SO what gets me now... Why is it, that with God, I seemed to really drill God about who He is, what He wants and why me? I seem to play a game of 21 questions, just to make sure that God is really talking to me and loves me. When in fact, God has done more for me in my life, than what Dr. Nye has ever really done for me. It's sad! There really isn't any real reason for me to question God on what he has planned for me but I do. Lately, I seem to do so much questioning, that my mouth is tired! **WINK WINK**

However, God being such an amazing gentleman and amazing loving father, has really been very patient with me. Has really been blessing me like crazy! Months ago, I prayed for "Eye's like GOD's!" I wanted to see the world the way God did. Just like in Brandon Heath's song... "Lord give me your eyes!" Working in the hospital, it was almost overwhelming and draining to see the suffering and all the miracles. Everyday I left work totally exhausted and my mouth couldn't stop asking the questions to God! Go figure!!! *** WINK *** I did learn that when you ask for something from God, make sure you really know what your asking.

Not only did I see the miracles, which were amazing to see. I also saw the suffering in some peoples lives. Well, that's not all God showed me. He seemed to give every person I encounter a mirror to hold, when I talked to them. It was like I saw what people saw, when I opened my mouth to talk and how my actions were interpided by everyone christian and non-christian.

I really think that was the hardest so far for me to really see. I honestly believed that I was as good as I can be. I really did believe that people knew I was a Christian but when I actually saw it first hand... I learned real quick that I wasn't what my lovely mind thought I was. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I am a bad person or think badly of myself, but the reality of who I was... was highlighted to me!

I thank God for this time in my life because now when I walk into my patient's rooms, talk to my co-workers, or even smile to a stranger... I do it with the right mind set. I am there to serve them, like Jesus served in his days. I am here to be loving like Jesus, when it seems like there is no hope! I am here to love on them and in no way, bring my issues of judgementalness, selfishness and most of all pride to thier life. I am here to love on them, like Jesus has loved on me!

WOW...

Months ago... I would no be able to recognize this girl I am turning into. Change happens so fast, when Jesus and God are in the middle of it! This is a life changing time for Mylah and me! Thank you Jesus for loving on us like crazy. Please keep me in your prayers, because if anyone knows me... I am far from prefect but I am trying to be the best Me in Jesus!!!! Please also keep Andy and his famiy in your prayers too. With Andy's mission down in Mexico and Faith/Chad recovery. We haven't talked for a while but I still want them to still feel our prayers too! Thank you guys for reading and caring for me... I am very blessed to have you in my life!

Caught with my pants around my Ankles!!!

Okay... everyone has had the dream about going to school naked!

Today, I got to experience that feeling.

See with every person in the world, we all have our title or place in the world, family and society. For me, I am the goof of my family. The one that always gets into funny situations, that no one can believe happened unless they were there to witness it. Well, in God's family... I really believe that God uses me as His comical relief sometimes. Sometimes, there are moments where even I go... Really?!?!?! Is this happening....

Some examples...

Giving my testimony about three years ago, I walked up the stairs to the stage and tripped. Who trips up stairs, first of all ? I DO!!! So I ended up flashing the whole church of about 700 people. Yes, Christina was full mooning it at church! My opening line and testimony changed and trying to soften the ackward moment of whether Christians should laugh or not... I busted up laughing and saying... "Well, pretty sure some of you thought I wasn't going to open up that much today... now did you?" At that point, I went on to share that it's okay to laugh at things that are funny. We're Christians and God loves laughter and I'm pretty sure God was laughing there too becuase honestly, that was funny!

Then just a couple of weeks, I ended up at a "AA" recovery church group. In my defense, the title of the class just sounded awesome!!! "Pursing a Godly Heart!" So I went, well.. after the class was in full session and the introductions were going on. At about the third intro, it clicked that I was not were I was suppose to be. Not sure what to do or even what to say when it was my turn, I started praying and wishing I could just say "Pass". Then the teacher looks at me and says... "Who are you and tell us about you!" Being Christina, I came back with... "Well, I'm Christina, Addicted to my daughter, boyfriend and family! not sure if I am suppose to be here or if this is just God's joke on me but I am glad to be here!" The teacher didn't really know what to say but nod! That's how I do it!!! lol

So today... realizing that life lately has been amazing and somewhat overwhelming. I noticed that I have lost a lot of my laughter that people know me for. I am so wrapped up and "doing busy work" studying the bible, homework and just trying to grasp and capture every moment right now. I truly believe that I thought this amazing time would come to an end soon, this amazing flow of blessings would run out. That's when God grabbed me today and went... "LOOK... I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU CHRISTINA!"

Well, to really grasp this today. It of course took a huge and embarressing moment to make me realize, life is still funny! I am still Christina... the girl that can laugh at the worst moments, sees the glass always half full and most of all, can laugh at herself! No situation is really as bad as "our" mind would like to make it!

So now your wondering... okay Christina what happened... Let me share!!!

In my job, I have to wear a radio with an ear piece. Well, the radio weights about ton and it pulls my britches down all the time. Now add a long wire to the ear piece, that always gets caught on things and rips my ear off a couple times a day. You now have the start of a funny moment! So here I am in the cafeteria studying the bible about the leadership in Moses. Totally getting caught up in the reading and how crazy it is, that I can relate to Moses. That whole feeling of inadequatcy to what God had planned for Moses. I loose focus on the fact that my radio was caught on the chair. So when I got called off to a procedure, I stood up to the most embarressing situation ever!!!!

I felt my radio falling off my pants and my ear was just ripped off, due to the ear piece. As I grabbed for the radio, my pants had another idea. They fell down to my ankles. Right there in the middle of the lunch hour rush, here stood Christina in her Victoria Secret BRIGHT Pink with lace panties and the radio making a huge bang hitting the floor. As though announcing to the cafeteria... "look here!" WOW... I felt the blood rush to my face and couldn't think of anything else to do but laugh and pull my pants up!

I am just so glad that I am one of those girls, that just has to shave everyday and even happier, that I took my mom's advice to always have nice underwear on. "JUST" in case of an accident!!! This my friends... was "my accident" my mother was always talking about... bet she didn't see this one coming! lol ONLY ME!!!

I am also very glad that God made me the way He did! I love my special "Christina" moments!

From "I love you" to "Christina WHO?!?!?"

So driving today, I got a very bad feeling that came across me and almost made me cry. I know it was a bad thought. I should of captured that thought and stopped it right when it entered my head but I didn't. I actually took that thought and went to town on it. My thought... how many times in your life, do you give yourself to people and in the end of it, you'll be nothing more than "that girl" or "Christina Who?"!

Have you ever thought about that? Tell me I am not the only one! I really hope that I am not forgotten totally but on the other hand, if their not in your future. Why should they be in your thoughts? It sucks, when you let thoughts like that take over a beautiful Sunday afternoon. Lesson - Capture your thoughts and don't let them over take you!!! Got it!!!

My "NEW" Life Anthem!!!!

Every country, school and state has a national anthem that plays before every pep-rally, Olympic Games and/or any important thing that happens. So it got me thinking today, when I was driving home...If I got to choose one song that would best describe me and what is the cry of my heart... This is my anthem...

Jars of Clay... "A love Song for a Savior" I really can relate and connect to this song on a very personal level! Thank you Jesus! I will be playing this every morning, before starting my morning prayer time and at night before heading to sleep!!! Just so I really can bring myself back to what's important to my life, other than family, friends, school and work. This brings me back to my purpose of being Christina for Jesus!!!






In open fields of wild flowers,
she breathes the air and flies away
She thanks her Jesus for the daises and the roses
in no simple language
Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all
He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on her lips
Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call her and she will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will
fall down and she'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

Sitting silent wearing Sunday best
The sermon echoes through the walls
A great salvation through it calls to the people
who stare into nowhere, and can't feel
the chains on their souls

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
As close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
Someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
Someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will
fall down and we'll pray,

"I want to fall in love with You"

It seems too easy to call you "Savior",
Not close enough to call you "God"
So as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

"I want to fall in love with You"

"my heart beats for You"

What Are My Childhood Dreams?

"LAST LECTURE" By Randu Pausch!

The most amazing lecture I have ever heard in my life.

As we are watching this in class, I am just sitting there asking God, "Okay, what am I suppose to get out of this!" See I have seen this lecture a million times. I know exactly where I am suppose to laugh and honestly, I think that I can almost recite the whole speech now. So I started wondering... "What did I miss the first few times I saw it? Why does this keep coming up in my life? What was God trying to tell me, through this speech?"

I didn't really know, but half way through the lecture... Jennifer, which is one of the girls that sit next to me. Who doesn't know me outside of the classroom, tells me, " You know Christina, that's going to be you!" I was just stunned and a little baffled to what my response to her should be. I just looked at her stupidly and knew... God was using Jennifer right there in my life! It was totally the coolest thing to see God working right there in the classroom, without anyone really knowing except me! I wish I had a picture of my face because I know it had to of been priceless!

Well, anyways... I start thank God right then and there. Just really noticing how important I am to my God. How He finds me here in a classroom, on Whitworth University campus, in a city named after a Chief, which half the world can barely say correctly! WOW! That's a lot to take in at one time and still keep a "student-attentive-face" to fool the teacher. **WINK WINK **

Anyways... after that moment... God showed me more. See lately, I have been fighting with God about Who "I think" am in Him and What "God thinks" I am in Him! His image of what I am, is more amazing than my own image of self portrayal. It's amazing and it really brings home the whole idea, that God can't look down on evil.

That's why we are not up there kicking it with God.

So the realization is this, when God sees me... He sees me, as that amazing image that He made me for! So of course, God's image is a lot better than my own.

It's just amazing... and so much to take in such a small amount of time!

Another thing, which I realized today in class. I am a people person. I love making other people smile and feel welcomed. I want to save the world, with one smile at a time. However, God has shown me today. That every moment in my life is a moment where I can learn and show my love for Jesus through myself! It was a great day today and I am really excited about my future.

Anyways... watch the lecture... it's so worth the hour and 16 minutes it takes out of your day! I promise you, it will touch your life so much... that you will watch over and over again! My prayer is that God would find purpose out of my life and guide me, to that purpose He made me for!!!!

The Tears Don't Seem to Stop!

Lately, I have been feeling like God has been telling me to let go of somethings and some people in my life. Some of the stuff and people, I have some tight grips around. Some amazing and even some bad things are in those things that I need to lay down at God's feet. It's been one of the hardest things, I have ever gone through. The reality of this whole time in my life is... A Season Of Silence! This is my time with God. I have offically become one of those bible thumpers I use to make fun of in high school! Yes, you read that right!

No friends around and not because I don't try too get together with them. I do. I just have so much going on and my heart with God is changing so much lately, it's Overwhelming!!!!!!! Funny thing, I have peace about everything going on in my life, which I know is God working OVERTIME!

Tonight thought, I did something that was really hard. I had to let go of the amazing Superman in my life! God's been working on my heart of obedience like crazy and God kept telling me, "Christina, I need you to let go of Andy so I can make Andy amazing in ME!" Being selfish, I have been really ignoring that call but tonight. God made it very loud and clear... "CHRISTINA IT'S TIME!" I am not going to lie, as I wrote that email to Andy down in Mexico. Expressing my heart and what I've been told. I was pissed and mad at God. However, God told me the right things to say and both, Andy and me, are being told the same thing. We both are getting told right now is our time with God. Who knows what the future holds for both of us, but right now... I'm God's Daughter and He is polishing me up for something amazing!

It's going to take a couple anger prayers and a lot of tears to really appreciate what God is doing in both of our live's but I trust my Lord.

Now some might be asking, Why? Why do you think that God would make you give your Superman? Why after all this time?

I have no idea, but I have to keep in mind and KNOW... God is my ultimate planner for my life and whatever GOD thinks is important for me to have or need... HE will provide and no one else, not even myself!!! Something I am still battling with!!! I honestly believe with all my heart, God knows best for me... even through all these tears! Sometimes being compliment is the worst feeling in the world. I love Andy. I pray now and will always pray for that man and his family. God has amazing plans for my superman and I don't think our full season is over... just right now, it's on a pause session. I need to get closer to my creator and Ulimate Father and Lover! That is my only plan right now!!!

No... Just to the Top, Please!

Today at work, I had a little bit of a special moment! Actually it was more of a "OUCH!" moment. My dear, friend Melisa brought in these amazing Green Tea packets for us. Well thinking it was my mid-day tea time, I went to the cafeteria to get some hot water. Some how I spilt the whole cup on my hand... jumping up and down like a mad man adn laughing. I laugh in pain. Penny and Melisa both rush to my side. Which was awesome....

Well, seeing that I still wanted to have some tea!

Penny decided that it would be safer if she got the tea for me. Now all of the sudden, I was "special" and unable to get hot water for myself! Which was nice. However, when she asked me if I wanted to the cup full? I proceded to tell her and I quote, "NO... just to the top!"

After I said it, I thought to myself... man, I wonder how they come up with all these blonde jokes? lol This was my "Tina" moment for today!

Who am I?

When you start college, you always start with this amazing idea of what you want to be when you grow up. For me, I started school with this idea of saving the world.

I was going to be..............

1) A Physical Therapist but it turned out... I didn't have enough patience to wait for an elderly person to get out of a chair.

Next...

2) Journalist... After my third semester and a number of countless stories about things that I could careless about or even feel the need to write about. Then realizing that I really hate writing because someone told me too...

I decided nursing... Hey, everyone is always sick. So there had to be job security.

Well, after a good seven years of nursing and different fields of nursing. I now realize that people are sick 365 times a year. Even on the holidays!!! I know... really Christina but really, after the fifth or sixth Christmas working and not being able to enjoy some family time and some amazing Egg Nog. It really gets you thinking... is saving the world that important. lol

So here I am back at Whitworth to become a Hospital Administrator. Thinking 6 digits now... that's my motivation. Well, about a nice month and half ago, God really started to pull at my heartstrings... "Christina... Remember that saving the world.... Yeah, that's still your desire, that is still where your heart is. So let me guide you into what I KNOW you should do!"

Now any Christian would jump at this opportunity of God guiding them to their calling. Me, on the other hand?!?!!? Being a little bit of a rebel, fought the idea of giving up my dream of being a CEO with 6 digits... Remember, 6 digits!!!! I am so close to that dream, that I can actually see the CEO positions right there in front of me, close enough for me to touch. However, the more I ignore God's calling, the more the idea of being in charge of a hospital loses ALOT of glory. I seem to feel a little empty inside, when I think about my future plans now.

So I finally have decided that I would listen and actually take some time with the Big Guy and maybe just maybe... even Listen! I don't know if anyone else has ever had this issue but Listening, is sometimes the hardest thing to do. It's also hard to just stay quite and wait for an answer. I almost feel stupid just saying nothing. So this week has been a challenge. Even with the boyfriend, down in Mexico... I have had learn to be Patience and how to listen.

So listening... what is it? And why as grown adults is it so hard for us to listen?

According to an online dictionary...listening is to pay attention, be attentive, be all ears, lend an ear, hearken (archaic) prick up your ears, give ear, keep your ears open, pin back your ears, hark. (what ever that is?) Anyway... there’s a lot of things to listen, more then just hearing someone talk.

What gets me thinking now after reading all this? Why don't we as little kids get taught how to listen? Why aren't we taught how important it is to listen to someone? In school, I was always tested on my fast responses and my quick thinking abilities? How fast I can read a book and speak out-loud. However, there was never a class on how to listen. Starting to think that might be something important to learn also!

Now with all that being said.. What’s the reason for this, what is dear Christina hearing? Well, I am being told something but I feel like God is talking Gibberish! For anyone that doesn't know what gibberish is... let me enlighten you... take you hands, cover your ears and start speaking in tongues... there you go! That's gibberish, Tina Style. So as I try to be patient and learn to listen... I leave you with this thought that I came across today as I was learning about Listen...

Paul Tillich, a German-American theologian said....

"The first duty of Love is to listen!"

My response was... what is number two... because maybe I'm better at that!

Pray for me ... as I continue this interesting journey with God and what I am suppose to be when I grow up and learning how to listen! lol wink wink Pray that one day, God might share with me or that I might actually learn to listen tp what I am suppose to be, when I grow up!

What Happened to Thumper's Philosophy?

So today Pastor Vaughn tells me in one of my comments, Christina you should look up this video. Being very compliment, I do; I youtube "Bullhorn Guy".

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrum Roooooooooooolllllllllllllllll... (that's my drum line) good isn't it and I've never practised!!!! **WINK WINK**

OH MY!!! The things that came up. Of course being the "compliment studious" person that I am (hahahaha), I watch almost all the videos and think to myself, as the fourth, fifth and sixth one was playing. Man, haven't we lost sight of what we are trying to teach.

Jesus and God ARE Love!

It's that simple!

My little girl who just turned 3 today... knows that! That's how simple it is.

As a group of people that read the same Bible. Believe in the same God. Supposenly all have the same message to send out; which is repent and go closer to an amazing God that loves you. We all seem to argue so much between ourselves; that we loose sight of what God wants from us. That's a closer relationship to HIM! I don't remember one passage in the Bible that says... worry about what your neighbor is doing and if it's something you disagree with, announce it to the world!!!

Now I might of just contradicted myself because I am venting my issues to the world via internet blog (man, I love these things!) but really... we lost sight of God's message! What happened to those 1950s morals? I still have, in the back of mind a wise Thumper saying to his mother... "IF you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all!"

So my question is... HOW can we all be so mean to one another? That just blows my mind away. How is it? That "WE" (yes... I am adding myself in there) as a society, can find time to bash one another about the trivial things in life. WOW!!! As I watch one man preach about how the confusion of Street Preaching is loosing people and it isn't working and another man is saying, "NO!!! Your wrong bench preacher!". I wonder... Who's right?!?!? Are either of them? Then if one is right and the other is wrong? Don't both of them loose their argument a little by bashing the other person. It almost seems a little counter productive. I don't know, I could be wrong or hey, I could be right... **WINK WINK**

As God's Terrible Two Child, yes... that is what I think I am!!! I think about this whole ordeal as a parent.

My daughter has many different ways of getting things done her way. However, with each person that she encounters; she has a different ways of minipulating the person. With me, it doesn't really work too much to cry but with her dad, her uncles and my friend's that don't have kids, a little cry can get her anything. With me on the other hand, as her mother and authority figure in her life, it takes a lot more to get me wrapped around her little finger but she does. The reason why, is because I love that little girl. Now don't get me wrong and don't go protesting it all over YouTube about what I say but I believe that God has special relationships with everyone. No I don't think you can minpulate God but I just think we all have different relationships.

Every person in this world has their own way of praying, preaching and learning. Just like my daughter has a very distinct cry. I know my daughter's cry and in a room full of other kids, I can tell you when and if my daughter ever crys. Then when she does cry, I can tell you what happened, before even getting her side of the story. Why? No it's not some special Mom Powers that I have deleloped. It's just the fact that I have learned and paid attention to her crys. I know what she needs, what she wants and yes, what her crys mean. Why? Because that is how much she means to me. SO I think God is like that with us.

We all have different crys, needs and wants! God has different relationships with each and everyone of us. So with that comes different teachings and lessons. My walk with God is one unique and very special relationship. God knows my crys and even though there are times where I try to minipulate Him into what I want, God knows and has my best interest ahead of mine. Which is amazing to me, even when sometimes... I really think my plans are better... He knows best. I beleive we mean that much to God, that He pays attention to "our" little crys and knows them.

Basically with my long and on going rambling about angry people. I have this to say.. Stop worrying about what others are doing. Stop gossiping!!! Stop judging!!! If I was the one that had to nail Jesus to that Cross, believe me it would of taken more then just three nails to nail Jesus up because of all my sin. We all have faults and downfalls. If we're not perfect. If we were prefect, then we would be up in Heaven right now and not kicking it down here on earth, waiting for His return! So love on your neighbors. Show them Jesus and stop putting your wants, of what the Bible "should" say, be your only and man purpose in life!!! Your not the ultimate Judger or the one I see in the END! It's God... Go Figure... EVERYTHING IS ABOUT GOD, A LOVING GOD and not us!!!! Thank God for that!!!

Was That an Emotional Landmine They Just Hit?!?!

This weekend I encountered the famous Radical Christian. For those of you that don't know what a radical Christian looks like or have no idea about what I am talking about. Let me illuminate on the Radical Christian.

To me and this is not Webster's definition... this is my own take on the Radical Christian. So with all that being said... I think they are people that take the preaching of the bible, attendence and everything that is in the bible to a whole another level of craziness. What I mean is...
Attendence... Your not there... Your going to Hell and doing sin!

Preaching the Bible to strangers on the street.... A Radical Christian would be doing it like the guys I saw in Seattle this weekend. Completely isolating themselves as an alpha breed of Christianity. Screaming at every stranger, in a yelling radius of their voice. That unless you took one of their Track cards. Your going to Hell. No stopping to collect $200. No second chances. NO love at all. That's it... This moment in front of the Radical Christian determines your faith with God and your future eternal living qaurters!

WOW!!!!!!!!

As Jenn and me walked out of the downtown Mall, in search of the perfect shoes for me to buy. We came across of group of men, dressed like Australian outback guides, screaming at the top of thier lungs to every person about a loving Jesus. However, the more I listen to their words and watched these grown men holding signs up about My Jesus. I got mad! I actually felt the anger build up inside of me. The audacity of these men preaching about My God, My Jesus, My Savior that was known for love, peace and most of all... second chances... Just hit an Emotional Landmine with me!

The first time we passed them, I could hear people in the street trying thier best to ignore the fact that "WE" (the non-radical Christians) were just condemned Hell. It took a moment for the whole event to soak in with me. I tried to look past the "way" these men were preaching and trying to tell myself, "They mean good, Christina!" But the second time walking by them. I came to realize... "No! They were there for numbers!"

As much as they yelled about caring about my soul. These men weren't showing me Jesus. They were showing their views of life, their views about God and most of all... trying to give out as many of those tracks to people. It was their way of proving to their church... look we saved "this many" (number of tracks handed out) lives!

However, as I chewed on this whole ordeal for the last 48 hours. I asked God, "Okay, there had to be something there for me to learn. Something in those five minutes of ackwardness and anger.... there had to be something more then that!" So what is it....

Today, as I was driving home from class. I think I got my anwser finally. Everyone in this world have different beliefs and thought processes. Different ways of looking at the world and understandings of how to live. We as a society have many different ways of actually making a PB and J sandwich, if you really think about it.

Now I might of lost some people now!

But the reality is... we are all different. We are in no way a Stepford society of perfection. The only thing we all have in common is the fact that God loves everyone last one of us as His children. Some more then other..hahahhahahah. I am joking! ** wink ** wink **

Really though...

He Love You!

To me, God's love is very hard to understand. It's sometimes hard for me to understand why God still loves me after all the shit I do. (oops.. sorry for the "little bit of poop!) Why he still thinks I am worth all this trouble. How after everything is said and done and I slide into Home Base (Heaven) completely used up and spent... how My amazing and loving Father can look at me, scuffed up, banged up and even used up and see me as His amazing Daughter! It just amazes me and It's hard for me to understand that kind of love!

Now the reality of my life faults.....There will be moments where, like those Radical Christians I will rub others wrong. Will fumble on expressing how amazing God's love is. So even though, those men preached in a way that I considered outrageous. It was their way of doing things. I have no right to judge them. I have no right to say they are wrong. The only person in this world that knows full heartedly what a human heart is feeling, thinking and what thier true intentions are... is the person doing it and God. Not me!!!

So the lesson... God Knows Everything! I don't know the perfect way of preaching or sharing my God. I know how I do it and I know how I think it should be done. God sees that in me and knows that when it is all said and done... He will be the one to say. "Yes, Christina, "WE" did Good!" or hey, Reality, He could Say... "Christina I needed you to listen more and Speak less!" What ever He says to me... that's my dealing with Jesus.

Anyways... God showed me a lot this weekend and kept me close to his heart. I hope that as this journey continues forward... I remember, I have no right to judge a single person!!! I am God's and so are they. They will have thier own moment with God as I will too. So I really just need to work on my relationship with Jesus and guide my daughter in her relationship with God too.

That's that lesson in a nutshell!

Potty Training At it's Finest!!!

So today... I was passing Home Depot and thought... Hey, I really need to do something about this cold house I live in. I don't really know what but since I was here by Home Depot... someone in the "MAN" store, should have an idea of something I can do!

Well, as I was getting Mylah out of the car. She tells me... "Mommy, I really need to go potty!" OMG!!!! I am freaking out. Here she is on my hip, purse in hand, potty seat in the other and I have no idea where the bathrooms are in this huge store. So the second I saw a person in a orange vest... I screamed, "Where's the bathrooms, please!" They point the way to the "finish line", you might say. I started to ponder on the thought that at any moment, Mylah's bladder might give and my nice Lucky scent that I have going on... might turn into a little bit of a PEE smell.

I run to the bathrooms in a panic dash! So now picture this... here I am running with a potty seat in one arm, baby in the other, purse hitting people as I rush through the aisles and my daughter laughing at me. It was fun!!!!!

Well, as I turn the last turn to the restrooms. I notice the sign... "Sorry we are cleaning!" I don't pay it any attention and rush in with Mylah. Seeing a guy at the sink cleaning... I tell him... "I'm sorry... we're potty training!" Thinking to myself, that should solve any feeling of ill-will, Right!?!??!

Not really... this guy just looks at me, with a shocked and a little bewildered look. I try not to pay him any mind. So as I was putting Mylah's potty seat on the potty, I get the funny feeling to look around. Oh yes... there on the wall was hanging Urinals!!!!! I had run into the MEN's Bathroom. Oh I was embarressed and then asked out loud...not expecting a response... "Is this the Men's room?"

Now remember that Cleaner... Yeah, he wasn't cleaning... Oh NO... He was a man just washing his hands!!! He responsed back to me... "YES! Yes you are!!" I wanted to die, but Mylah and me were too far into this mission of potty going, that there was no time to retreat. I couldn't tell my duaghter now... "Okay Honey, hold it!" Yeah... that was not going to happen! So I let her finish her business and I ran her across the hall to the woman's without anyone seeing us.

Too bad that when we got in the bathroom, which was full of Home depot "woman" employees and customers... Mylah tells me, "Mommy... I like this bathroom better than the other one. It smells better!" I at that moment could feel the blood rush to my face. WoW... sometimes..... I just thank God I know how to laugh because this was funny!!!

That my friend's..... is Potty Training ...Tina Style!