When you are DOWN to nothing.... God is UP to something!

This last April I got to experience surgery for the first time in my life. It was the first time, where the whole idea that my life was in someone else's hands... really hit home. Now for Christians, we are suppose to be in God's hands 24/7 but the real truth is... most of us, have control issues!

I know I did!

So when I got up to the surgery holding area, I was freaked out. I didn't have my family or friends there because I knew they would freak me out more. All I wanted was the drugs to make me not care!!! Gotta love Valium!!! Now here I am totally drugged and about to go under the knife with a doctor that I have known for a couple of years. I didn't really know much about him but the little Hellos through the halls and the small talks in the elevators but we never really had a "meaningful" conversation.

However I trusted him and was handing over my life to him with no real hard questions being asked on my part. Meaning I never asked why should I trust my life to him and what I actually meant to him, othere than money in the pocket? I just signed that long contract of a language only a lawyer could understand. Knowing that my doctor really wasn't a 100 % positive that I was coming out of this surgery alive. There was a high percentage that I was but really it wasn't a 100% positive!

SO what gets me now... Why is it, that with God, I seemed to really drill God about who He is, what He wants and why me? I seem to play a game of 21 questions, just to make sure that God is really talking to me and loves me. When in fact, God has done more for me in my life, than what Dr. Nye has ever really done for me. It's sad! There really isn't any real reason for me to question God on what he has planned for me but I do. Lately, I seem to do so much questioning, that my mouth is tired! **WINK WINK**

However, God being such an amazing gentleman and amazing loving father, has really been very patient with me. Has really been blessing me like crazy! Months ago, I prayed for "Eye's like GOD's!" I wanted to see the world the way God did. Just like in Brandon Heath's song... "Lord give me your eyes!" Working in the hospital, it was almost overwhelming and draining to see the suffering and all the miracles. Everyday I left work totally exhausted and my mouth couldn't stop asking the questions to God! Go figure!!! *** WINK *** I did learn that when you ask for something from God, make sure you really know what your asking.

Not only did I see the miracles, which were amazing to see. I also saw the suffering in some peoples lives. Well, that's not all God showed me. He seemed to give every person I encounter a mirror to hold, when I talked to them. It was like I saw what people saw, when I opened my mouth to talk and how my actions were interpided by everyone christian and non-christian.

I really think that was the hardest so far for me to really see. I honestly believed that I was as good as I can be. I really did believe that people knew I was a Christian but when I actually saw it first hand... I learned real quick that I wasn't what my lovely mind thought I was. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think I am a bad person or think badly of myself, but the reality of who I was... was highlighted to me!

I thank God for this time in my life because now when I walk into my patient's rooms, talk to my co-workers, or even smile to a stranger... I do it with the right mind set. I am there to serve them, like Jesus served in his days. I am here to be loving like Jesus, when it seems like there is no hope! I am here to love on them and in no way, bring my issues of judgementalness, selfishness and most of all pride to thier life. I am here to love on them, like Jesus has loved on me!

WOW...

Months ago... I would no be able to recognize this girl I am turning into. Change happens so fast, when Jesus and God are in the middle of it! This is a life changing time for Mylah and me! Thank you Jesus for loving on us like crazy. Please keep me in your prayers, because if anyone knows me... I am far from prefect but I am trying to be the best Me in Jesus!!!! Please also keep Andy and his famiy in your prayers too. With Andy's mission down in Mexico and Faith/Chad recovery. We haven't talked for a while but I still want them to still feel our prayers too! Thank you guys for reading and caring for me... I am very blessed to have you in my life!