Two days ago, I found myself on the couch of my neighbor, wiping her tears away and hugging on her. See as the words about my future move flowed past my lips, those words brought tears to her eyes. I started to ask God, WHY? Why is it, that when He asks stuff from us or blesses us. Those blessings sometimes bring tears or feelings of saddness or sometimes questions.
As I watch this amazing lady tear up in fear that she may never see me again. I tried my best to encourage her and tell her that I would never forget her and promised to visit all the time. As I left her house and looked down my block of amazing neighbors that have loved on my daughter and me for the last three years almost. I realized that there would be more tears of saddness coming my way, when I informed the rest of them. I was a little wiped out from Nancy's visit and maybe a little chicken too, but I decided to hold off on the rest of those good byes till today.
So as I try to capture the right words to say and how I will convience these amazing people that I will never forget them and thank them for all the many memories. God anwsered my question this morning....
God gives us Purpose and Expectations throughout our lives. Sometimes that feeling of purpose, don't show up till the end of the journey. These goodbyes I hvae to make, make me realize that I was placed in this neighborhood on purpose. I was here because God wanted me here. Even though, I thought it was me doing it, IT WASN"T!!! Mylah brought so much life back to this AARP section of the valley. As Nancy's fear of not getting the chance to see Mylah grow into an amazing woman of God. I realized, that Mylah had so much purpose for these peoples' lives. God reminds me of the summers where the neighbors sat on their porches and watched my little girl play in the water. They watched and loved on Mylah so much. That little girl was another grandchild to a lot of these amazing neighbors. There was so much laughter on this block, due to watching Mylah learning and growing in front of our eyes everyday.
Then God reminded me of my mission trip to New York City in 2002. How I felt so lonely and useless there, thinking that I was wasting my time and questioning God everyday about why I was there. I remember a couple of times, crying myself to sleep because I was homesick. However, it wasn't till the bus ride home from Seattle, that I learned about my purpose. As we were sharing our favorite moments of the trip, I had two of my room-mates tell me that they were blessed having me there with them. Johnathan said that he learned so much by watching me with people. I remember him telling me, that it amazed him about how I never judge a single person and treated everyone with love. Than Spears told me, that it stunned him to watch how people felt so comfortible with me. Even a little trip on a subway or bus and I could get a person spilling their guts in laughter and joy about life.
As more people shared with me about their moments of amazement... I started to cry! Realizing that during that whole trip, even though I felt like I had no purpose there. I actually had more purpose than what I was giving myself credit for. God had purpose for me in New York. God also couldn't share that purpose with me because honestly, I would of screwed it ALL up and maybe, would of tried too hard to be me. Hope that makes sense? If not, just nod your head and move on. lol
So today as the words of Good Bye flow through my lips to my neighbors. I will know that even though this is sad and a little unsure moment in my life. I have to know God has a plan and purpose for Mylah and me. Even if sometimes, I don't understand it right away. Sometimes those reasons of God's aren't shown for days, months, even years but God will share them with you, in His time. So when I'm at work tomorrow or saying Hello to my neighbors or walking down the street today.... I need to remember, God put me there for a reason and purpose. It might seem like I'm doing nothing but OUR God has more amazing plans for our lives than anything we could dream up. I hope this gives you peace, like it has for me!
Prayer Requests still.......
1) Mara's dad, Gerald surgery tomorrow!!! qaudrupal heart surgery!!!
2) Andy and his mission trip down in Mexico... Pray for peace over his mind and heart. He's in God's hands right now and God is doing amazing things through him. Then his sister, Faith and Chad's recovery and peace over trying to get thier lives back in order!
3) My move!!!! Pray it goes smooth and if it doesn't... pray that I get a couple laughs out of all the stress that comes from moving! You can never laugh enough!!!!
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