Growing up... that was the only thought that passed through my head, "One day I'll be an adult and have all the freedom of the world!" Yeah Right! That image quickly dissipated with my first bill. With my age, I didn't gain independence, what I actually accumulated was more chains that held me down and stole my freedom away; however, today God took me by the hand and lead me down a little journey of "Freedom Perception".
In this little journey... God asks me, "So what's your idea of a Mature Christian?" To me that was an easy question- a no brain-er you might say... it's the old person in the back of the church, loosing his hearing but knowing every song verbatim. This would also be that old person you would run to, for hard life questions and not only would they give you an answer that would make you think...they would also hand you a list so long of bible verses and a little old man humor too. Typically in my mind, these are the elderly people that are sometimes ignored by my generation. To me... a mature Christian is far from what I am. To my surprise... God informed me, that I was way off base.
A mature Christian... is someone that looses all their freedom in prayer but gains that freedom back in peace, joy and yes, every once in while, there are some tears. As I sit there thinking about this new concept of a Mature Christian. I realized that I was on the path of being a mature christian, a lot sooner than I thought. I do check in with God about everything. Now there was some thoughts that I still try to take control over but all the "BIG" stuff... There is no way I even try to handle them on my own. So since I don't yet... hand everything over to the Big Guy... I still don't consider myself mature.
On the other hand, my life in the last few months has gone from living for Mylah and me ONLY - to - living and breathing God. Even though, some might say that I lost more freedom the day I took Jesus into my heart and decided finally, to live like I have Jesus in my heart... I now know and can say... NO!... God gave me the freedom from worry, anxiety, stress and every other thing that comes with taking on this world alone! So even though I have lost the freedom to sleep in a little extra in the morning, or lost the desire to go to every company party under the sun or can't find pleasure in participating in some of those "not so great" gossip conversations anymore. I have learned that those few moments daily where I talk, chat or sometimes even scream at God. God handed me a title of being a "growing" mature Christian and the freedom to love life's moments.
I know that my God will over come anything that I may experience and I also know that Satan can't mess with me until GOD says, "You know... She can handle anything you dish out!"So when I see a family going through so much turmoil and hardships in this life. A Godly family... A family that I know God is watching over... I can't help but think, Wow... that's a mature Christian Family. That's a model family for all Christians to follow. That's what I pray my family will be like. To me, even though they don't have the freedom to drink, curse or live so willy-nilly... God handed this family the freedom of knowing they will never be alone.
So my little freedom walk today with God. Where God took my hand and told me... "Christina, you need to know... that even sometimes, when you think I don't listen to your prayers or answer them in the way that you want... I need you to know that I do! I do listen because your one of mine and I will never leave you!"
I came to understand that God has the bigger picture of my life, some might even call it the "blue print of Christina's AMAZING life!" .. God sees it from beginning to end. He knows what is best for me and even in those moments where I throw a little fit - aka - tantrum. God hears me clearly. He just cares for me so much more than what I can really understand. Plus He has my best interests ahead of my own self wants. Thank GOD! Prayer is the foundation of a relationship. The same foundation that keeps you and God together. Prayer is also where I found my Freedom. SO when I pray, God may not answer my prayers right away but I know with all my heart that He hears me and cares.
So Today when that lesson was handed to me in an email from Andy. I got a little freaked out and WOW'd. Here we are for the last week or so talking and just reconnecting our lives together again. Me being the thinker... okay... maybe sometimes the over thinker... GOD takes this amazing man and hands me a lesson from God. It was the most amazing feeling and a little freaky. Even more than the day I realized God was real! You ever get the chills... that is what I got today. God in my mind... is so much bigger than what the bible can really describe for us. God shows me everyday... "Hey you knuckle-head... I'm your father who cares for you. So I will bless you more than what you can comprehend." Andy... He is a blessing from God. Even though, I sometimes want to take control over this amazing journey "we" (Mylah, Maria, Andy and ME) are all on right now... God grabbed my hand and said, "Christina stop... Let me take control over this. Give up your "thought" of control over this whole matter and allow me the freedom to work here in all of your lives. I will be bless you both in my time."
I know Andy and Maria are part of my future. I know that God has amazing things in store for me, it's just so amazing to me sometimes to think about how powerful and amazing our God is. Prayer is freedom. So as I sit in front of my computer, with the realization that I have freedom from my parents. I will never or nor do I ever want... Freedom from God... I want God a part of my life and every thought I have. I also can never see my life being completely full filled without God. God is amazing and I am so thankful that He sent Maria and Andy my way! Thank you Jesus.
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