God Sent me....

Lately... I have found myself just talking out loud to God. To the point, where even my daughter has asked me... "Mommy?!?!? Who are you talking to?", and picture her looking around too? The real funny part... I don't realize I do it, till I notice the funny looks I get from people. Embarressing yes but Hey... that's how I do it. I'm just that Special and I'll be the first to admit that. :)

Well, today though... at church, I found myself not only talking and praying out loud to myself but I found God just moving me to pray over people. ME... The girl who can barely do the introduction part of Pastor Vaughn's "Greet Your Neighbor and Tell them you Love them!" shpeel. I hate that part of services... it always makes me feel so stupid and fake; however, since that first prayer months ago. Where I asked God to give me his eyes, to love on people like Jesus does and serve them with a "Jesus" servant heart. I just have to say, God is a giver.

I don't think it was possible for God to send me so many people to love on like He has. With each new person that I find myself just loving on and wanting to serve. I find a new purpose for my life here on earth. I find new meaning behind being Christina. Now... not only am I a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, A future wifey (wink wink so put that in for wishful thinking purposes ONLY! **SMILES) a friend, a servant for Samaritan Purse OCC and now a new found member of New Heights church. I have officially hit a point in my life, where I want to be a part of this amazing church. I don't want to just come and get my hour sermon out of this amazing church. I want to be there for the other members. I want to love on them and tell them... "Hey, I am here at church... not only to hear what crazy thing, Pastor Vaughn, is going to say but to also see and talk to you!"

I love this new feeling of belong. This new appreciation of being a member to a church family. As I sat there in my pew, looking around at all the amazing people God has brought into my life. I couldn't help but think... "What in the world is God going to do next year with me and this family because the last few months... WOW!" I know as I watch my pastor and his wife express their heart for Jesus and the love they have for us, "My New Heights Family"... I realized... God couldn't of put any body else up there in front of me. Only that cooky - funny - crazy, California breed Pastor of mine and his Amazing Latino wife. I can say without a shadow of a doubt... no one else could really grab my attention every Sunday morning and teach me what God has for me like those two do. I just wanted to publicly thank them so much for their love for us, even when sometimes... It has to be hard to love a church as "special" as we are. Or maybe that "special" title is just for me! wink wink... Thank Pastor VAUGHN AND MERTHA... you are so appreciated and Loved!

So today as I really tried to dig myself out of the snow and thought to myself... "You know, my dad taught me how to drive. I can get through this mess in my little Cavalier." God stepped in and went, "Okay really." And that's when my shovel broke! Mind you, I don't have one of those $20 Walmart Specials... I have a heavy duty... take out a truck in one swipe kind of shovel. This thing is totally, suppose to be winter proof and take on snow hills like I have in my front yard. So what happened.... Some might call it a little intervention on God's part, others might call it coincidence... ME I think God was really trying to tell me this morning to just chill and relax at home with the munchkin.

Well, being determined and knowing that the hospital isn't going to shut down because of the snow.. I decided that my next best option was the city bus. So here I am looking on-line, checking out the times, watching the news in the background telling me over and over again, "Unless you really need to go out today, we recommend that you stay in at all cost." I once again... ignore the messages and proceed on with my mission to get to work.

I have totally planned out... I am going to walk the 7 blocks to Wesley catch the bus to Gilbert's house to drop Mylah off. Then proceed onward to work via STA. Nice... totally a foul proof idea. Up till the newscaster shares all the bus routes that where being cancelled today. Guess who's plan now become UN-fool proof. You got it... I had to throw in the towel. There was nothing else I could do but hear the Big Man's command and stay home.

Being a little upset, okay who am I kidding... I was pissed... I really decided that the best thing for me to do was go and talk to God. Now I didn't go to GOD and say... "Hey what's up with all this snow?" No... I went to Him a little humbled and feeling stupid for not just listening the first time. It wasn't God's deal to make me miss work today. It was just God idea to say... "look this is out of your hands, stop trying to control this!" As I sit there praying and learning from this mornings little moment, I realized that I do this a lot. I seem to have a hard time letting God do His work in me. I have found in the last few months, moments where I honestly thought... "So yeah... God... I Got this!" or even worst, walking in front of God and yelling back... "Dude (GOD), your holding up traffic... could you walk a little faster and get up here, PLEASE!" It's interesting when I think about all the moments in my life where I have done this.

The real eye opening moment this morning was me coming to realize that my first option typically is to handle an issue on my own. It's like I think to myself, "God has better things to deal with than handle my little issues in life. I'll wait till I really need Him there to use up that "Prayer Card!" "

YIKES...

It's like I really believe that there is this bank account of prayer savings and can only be used in time of need basis. Man was that a huge cookie to chew this morning. As God just loves on me and takes a little bit of my pride away... I couldn't help but wonder, "How in the world can one God love such a crazy girl like me?" I know that is crazy to think but really...

In the last few months, I have fought more with God than I really care to admit to. I have said some not so nice things and even found myself, every once in a while telling God, "NO... I'm not doing that!" However, God always in HIS amazing way... just loves on me till I get it. Till I get hit so hard between the eyes with the truth of how much God loves me. So once again... Christina finds herself in tears before her Father. Sometimes... even the people who really do believe that God is their number one compadray... can be holding back more than they care to admit too. God still at work in this girl's life.

On another side note:

Andy is back in my life. This time, God has really just blown my socks off with this blessing. A couple months ago, when I yelled and couldn't understand God's wants in my life. Here He comes and hands me back that blessing again but with interest! I now not only still have my Andy, who loves me like the day we said, "Goodbye". I also have an amazing little girl named, "Maria to add to my heart!" He adopted a beautiful little girl, who I have to say looks so much like Mylah... it's scary! So I am now starting a new chapter in my life with two huge blessings being added. That to me is such a huge testament itself on how much God loves me. He gave me a man more amazing than what I could ever ask for and another little girl to love on like Mylah. I don't think I could of even done it better, if God had given me the chance. God made it better and more amazing. God is awesome and I feel His blessings this morning for sure, even with all this snow! **SMILE**

"When I grow up Mom... I'm going to be Free!" Yeah Right?!?!

Growing up... that was the only thought that passed through my head, "One day I'll be an adult and have all the freedom of the world!" Yeah Right! That image quickly dissipated with my first bill. With my age, I didn't gain independence, what I actually accumulated was more chains that held me down and stole my freedom away; however, today God took me by the hand and lead me down a little journey of "Freedom Perception".

In this little journey... God asks me, "So what's your idea of a Mature Christian?" To me that was an easy question- a no brain-er you might say... it's the old person in the back of the church, loosing his hearing but knowing every song verbatim. This would also be that old person you would run to, for hard life questions and not only would they give you an answer that would make you think...they would also hand you a list so long of bible verses and a little old man humor too. Typically in my mind, these are the elderly people that are sometimes ignored by my generation. To me... a mature Christian is far from what I am. To my surprise... God informed me, that I was way off base.

A mature Christian... is someone that looses all their freedom in prayer but gains that freedom back in peace, joy and yes, every once in while, there are some tears. As I sit there thinking about this new concept of a Mature Christian. I realized that I was on the path of being a mature christian, a lot sooner than I thought. I do check in with God about everything. Now there was some thoughts that I still try to take control over but all the "BIG" stuff... There is no way I even try to handle them on my own. So since I don't yet... hand everything over to the Big Guy... I still don't consider myself mature.

On the other hand, my life in the last few months has gone from living for Mylah and me ONLY - to - living and breathing God. Even though, some might say that I lost more freedom the day I took Jesus into my heart and decided finally, to live like I have Jesus in my heart... I now know and can say... NO!... God gave me the freedom from worry, anxiety, stress and every other thing that comes with taking on this world alone! So even though I have lost the freedom to sleep in a little extra in the morning, or lost the desire to go to every company party under the sun or can't find pleasure in participating in some of those "not so great" gossip conversations anymore. I have learned that those few moments daily where I talk, chat or sometimes even scream at God. God handed me a title of being a "growing" mature Christian and the freedom to love life's moments.

I know that my God will over come anything that I may experience and I also know that Satan can't mess with me until GOD says, "You know... She can handle anything you dish out!"So when I see a family going through so much turmoil and hardships in this life. A Godly family... A family that I know God is watching over... I can't help but think, Wow... that's a mature Christian Family. That's a model family for all Christians to follow. That's what I pray my family will be like. To me, even though they don't have the freedom to drink, curse or live so willy-nilly... God handed this family the freedom of knowing they will never be alone.

So my little freedom walk today with God. Where God took my hand and told me... "Christina, you need to know... that even sometimes, when you think I don't listen to your prayers or answer them in the way that you want... I need you to know that I do! I do listen because your one of mine and I will never leave you!"

I came to understand that God has the bigger picture of my life, some might even call it the "blue print of Christina's AMAZING life!" .. God sees it from beginning to end. He knows what is best for me and even in those moments where I throw a little fit - aka - tantrum. God hears me clearly. He just cares for me so much more than what I can really understand. Plus He has my best interests ahead of my own self wants. Thank GOD! Prayer is the foundation of a relationship. The same foundation that keeps you and God together. Prayer is also where I found my Freedom. SO when I pray, God may not answer my prayers right away but I know with all my heart that He hears me and cares.

So Today when that lesson was handed to me in an email from Andy. I got a little freaked out and WOW'd. Here we are for the last week or so talking and just reconnecting our lives together again. Me being the thinker... okay... maybe sometimes the over thinker... GOD takes this amazing man and hands me a lesson from God. It was the most amazing feeling and a little freaky. Even more than the day I realized God was real! You ever get the chills... that is what I got today. God in my mind... is so much bigger than what the bible can really describe for us. God shows me everyday... "Hey you knuckle-head... I'm your father who cares for you. So I will bless you more than what you can comprehend." Andy... He is a blessing from God. Even though, I sometimes want to take control over this amazing journey "we" (Mylah, Maria, Andy and ME) are all on right now... God grabbed my hand and said, "Christina stop... Let me take control over this. Give up your "thought" of control over this whole matter and allow me the freedom to work here in all of your lives. I will be bless you both in my time."

I know Andy and Maria are part of my future. I know that God has amazing things in store for me, it's just so amazing to me sometimes to think about how powerful and amazing our God is. Prayer is freedom. So as I sit in front of my computer, with the realization that I have freedom from my parents. I will never or nor do I ever want... Freedom from God... I want God a part of my life and every thought I have. I also can never see my life being completely full filled without God. God is amazing and I am so thankful that He sent Maria and Andy my way! Thank you Jesus.

Today at church, Mike reminded me of the Gift Exchange with my old group of Alpha friends. Totally forgetting about the party all together even though Lisa and Shaun have reminded me of this party many, many times already. I subjected myself to shopping for a good hour and the nutty people actually doing "real" Christmas Shopping. Man it was a zoo out there!

I decided that I was only going to one store.... Micheals - the craft store. If I didn't find anything cool there under $10, I could always get the ever popular picture frame. Well, going through all the aisle with Mylah and looking at all the cool and clearenced out Christmas stuff. I decided that I would pick-up these awesome angel glass ornaments. Well, it turns out that as I was setting down these other 2008 ornaments for my family. This lady happened to get the same idea as me, which would of been cool had those three angels not been the last ones.

SO........

to my dismay, this lady grabs the angels and looks at me saying, "Well, you did see them first... so let's Rock, Paper, Sissor for them!" Totally being serious as she placed her two hands in battle position. A little caught off gaurd by what just happened... I just looked at her crazy! Are you serious... Christmas Shopping has resorted to Rock, Paper, Sissor battles! Man, I have been out of the shopping scene for a while now. lol wink wink I really think a couple seconds, maybe even a good minute went by before I actually responsed to her saying, "Nah.. .it really looks like you have your heart set on those angels. I pray they bring you happiness and joy!" and I walked away.

Now Mylah watching the whole thing and being three pipes up saying, "Mommy... why did she take those angels from you?" Crazy shopping lady heard Mylah and I just replied, "Honey... Those are just people God sends into your life to learn patience from! We just thank God for them honey!" And we just walked away... Now I want you to know... had Crazy Shopper said, "Let's Thumb War for them." I would of been down and kicked her crazy shopping butt!!! Man people are nuts.... Well, long story short... I ended up with a picture frame!

I'm a Promise... Now that is cool!

In Church today, Pastor Vaughn discussed the idea of being a promise, which to me was a little hard for me to understand at first. Me... Christina... A promise for someone in the past. The more he talked and/or preached... the more I started to realize, I was a promise. How many times in our lives, did someone pray for us and make a deal with God that your life would be effected. In my life, there are plenty of moments where I can see my mom, who doesn't really pray at all... I could see her every once in a while, making deals with the Big Guy over things out of her control. In my head, I can still remember her and my dad weeping next to my bed to God when I was 5 years old and on the verge of leaving this world too soon. I can remember the tears my mother wept before meeting Rick and being a single mother. I can remember her plenty of times, talking to God about getting patience in dealing with me as a teenager. So the more I stopped and really thought about it... I came to realize... that everyone that was sitting in this little church of mine, where there because of a promise someone else made with the Big Guy. I know that's far out there, but really... it's awesome when you think about it.
Years ago... long before your mother and father... someone in your history, prayed over you. Prayed for your future and prayed for your soul. To me... that is just a crazy thought! Every home is built on promises and prayers that a earlier generation did. Come on... that has to blow your socks off.

Something else Vaughn said today that got me thinking "WOW, I matter to my God", was the idea that every prayer I make effects the aroma of Heaven. Are you serious, my little prayers or discussions with God... make a difference in heaven and the way it smells. See... there are these pillars or bowls you might say filled with insenses in heaven and with each prayer that you make. Those insenses display your prayer in smoke. That is why, one of the wise men gave Jesus Frank and scents. Back in the day, they use to do incenses to represent their prayers going up to heaven... Well, in heaven they still do this and think about it... their smoking every time you pray. WOW... that's crazy to me.

However.... that got me wondering back to some of my "not so amazing moments in prayer" and wondered... in those moments where I battle it out with God and have little issues with HIS purpose and my purpose not meeting... I wonder if those moments make heaven not smell so sweet But after hearing Zechariah's story, I realized that God wants us to be real. God loves that I come to Him with my worries, concerns and yes, every once in while battle. That shows that I acknowledge that He is the All-Powerful and I know that He is the only one that can make a difference in my life! It also makes you aware of your own issues.

So basically the more I heard Vaughn's sermon today... the more I thanked God for loving me and my little "tina moments". I might never be prefect or even come close to it, but God will fill all those areas where I am lacking. This then makes me realizes something about all my friends and those amazing people who always tell me... "Christina, I'm just trying to get somethings together before going back into the church." Hello, God accepted me the way I was and He did the spring cleaning for me. God wants to enter our lives right now and "help" you become the Promise that someone in your past prayed about! Your a promise and FYI... I made a deal with God too about you... I want all my friends to know His love like I do. I love you all!

Tonight as Stephanie leaves my house, with a bag of Mylah's old clothes, small Little Baby toys and a big Fish Rocking horse thingy... I realized that God put Stephanie in my life, for me to love on her. Stephanie tonight opened up to me with her soul and by the time she left my house... she gave me the biggest hug and said, "I never met anyone like you!" I could of told her that.... in our introductions!!!! No one has ever met someone like me... just ask my mama or Nikki. they'll tell you that.

So when Stephanie leaves... I do my normal, pray for that friend and ask God for the guidance in that relationship. I believe with all my heart, that God sends you certain people in your life to learn from, to love on and most of the time... to show you, who you really are! I learn more about myself everyday with the people God places in my life each day... just yesterday... I realized with a patient that was a little - okay little is pushing it - a complete A-hole... that even my smile sometimes can't hide everything and it sure can't stop my mouth from speaking German! Which after the fact, I made it appoint to have that patient all day, to learn patience and love. After two hours and a lot of smiles and "Yes sirs'"... we made a compromise... I would speak only when spoken too and he would hold back all his profanity and mean comments! That was a hard lesson but helped me learn to pray in German.

Then my amazing girlfriends, they don't know this but those emails mails they send me all the time...those little notes get saved in a little folder to be scrapbooked with their pictures later. My friends mean the world to me, but it took the last few months of God showing and teaching me... "this is how I want you to love them!" I am so grateful for so much and Stephanies's hug tonight! Her Bear Hug and tears of happiness... made me realize, Stephanie is in my life for good. God has placed her on my path to Him, so I get to congo-line it with her down the road of life! Man... my congo line is getting big but I am loving it and feeling very blessed.

Tweezers = Screw Drivers

Okay...moving is seriously a job in itself.

I am almost at the point where I am comfortible in this new place of mine but there are just little things for me to work on... basically all the guy projects! lol wink wink However being the independent woman that I am, I tried doing a couple of these projects before calling it quits and calling in the guys! I want you to know, I got my shoe shelves all up. Got the shelves up in the laundry room and finally.. the ONE project that had me at my last nerve! The stupid towel holder in the upstairs bathroom. ARGH!!!

To me... it shouldn't take a rocket scientist to put up a towel holder. At least that is what I think, but I was nicely informed on my tenth try, four stab wounds from my tweezers and a couple words that I should never repeat again! I was nicely informed... that YES... Towel Holders need more than just a womanly touch!

Anyways... I decide it was time to call on my amazing neighbors for assistance. He was more than happy to help.... WELL.... up until I handed him my eye tweezers as the screw driver for him to use. Bob's look was priceless and I really wish I could of captured it.
Anyways... after he got a couple, "You have got to be joking comments out of his system," he retreated back to his house for a real screwdriver. When he got back, he started to ask me if I had tools and I told him, "Yes!" Now they might not be sold in a hardward store but they work. Then I realized, Men and Women are different in what we call tools. Guy tools have to have some sort of name like: Craftman, Snap-on, MAC or whatever other manly tool name. In a woman's mind, everything can be used. My tweezers worked for getting in some other projects. A butterknife makes an amazing flat head screwdriver and lets not forget the rocks outside, being used as hammers! I might be a girl but honestly, I realized that women are part engineers... Bob on the other hand... He just thinks I am crazy and expressed his concern for my choice of tools.

It was a funny moment and one that I am sure Bob will share with other people, when they ask, "So your new neighbor... is she cool?"

Being a business student, I get to hear and debate about all the economy -recession speculations, the Big Bailout for the Auto companies, the housing market and really once again... this list could go on for days about everything the NEWS feels is news! As I watch in class and listen to my fellow students, I can't help but think... If the government actually does hand over 18 billion dollars to these companies... I really believe this is going to be an interesting lesson for our kids to learn.

Think about it....I understand that if all three auto companies where to close their doors and stop making cars. I would have some serious issues finding parts for my car, at a nice Cheap Cavalier price . There would also be other companies, throughout the world that would also take a hit. Maybe even some, that would have to close their doors too, which in turn would be a domino effect of other company's closing their doors. I understand that and know that is a scary thought; however, with the government now jumping and bailing them out totally. This to me, screams a very loud and wrong message... to me I hear... "Hey if you effect more than just yourself in the wrong choices that you do... don't worry about it because when it comes time to deal with those issues, the government will jump in!" This is not a good message at all to send to the world and our children. We are basically saying to the whole world or our kids, don't worry about your choices... there will always be someone there to "Bail" you Out but reality is... there really isn't!

Now I know this is a very far out there thought but really think about it.... Here is this huge company GM, who last year sold the same amount of cars as Toyota. Toyota who isn't going to their government for a hand out... who actually isn't even giving any thought about their business having any issues at all. So how does that work, how can GM sell the same amount of cars but than saying or expressing threats to close their doors. Something just doesn't sound right to me and I don't know why... but I really feel like there should be some people going to prison. There are bigger issues in these companies, than just bad accounting / budgeting issues... that's just my thoughts!

Then another thing that just rings through mind all the time, was hearing the Ford's CEO tell the floor... "I am sitting pretty nice! I'm okay with a dollar salary next year!" Are you serious? There is no way that can be totally true, everyone lives in their means and most of the time, we actually live outside of our means by one or two income brackets. So what gets me is, we know that Ford's CEO's bills aren't the regular house and electric bills we all have. He has vacation homes, private jets and servants, which I am not cutting that life style down... if you make it there... more power to you, I am just saying... this guy has bills like us but they are in the income bracket that he lives in. Right?!?!?! So how can he accept $1 next year for pay and still be able to live in his income bracket. Something there just doesn't mesh well with me either. This whole thing sounds fishy.

The sad and scary thought, this problem is a lose - lose situation for everyone. If the government doesn't help, a whole lot of people lose their jobs. If the government does help, we the tax payers get to not only pay our monthly car payments but also pay the bills for that car maker. That to me doesn't sound far, I want to sell something, get profit off that sell but than also get you to pay my bills too! That too me, just doesn't sound right either.

Who knows... but I do know that the next four years, we the people will be on our knees a little more talking to the Big Guy and it's not because of our president but because of our "borrowing with out paying" mentality. That is why I don't have Credit Cards and I will teach my daughter that too. Plastic is not good! If you don't have the cash to pay for it, then you don't get the merchandise!

SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS TOO!!!

3. 1 Timothy 6:10
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.

5. Proverbs 22:7
The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

So just think before getting that next Christmas present... can you really pay for it and if you can't... don't get it. Christmas isn't about that present anyways.... it's about God and him giving us a second chance! Be happy with your situation and know... I love you and so does our father whose Birthday is coming up!

It’s official... I am a Christmas Freak!

So last weekend, I got the tree up and it's looking mighty fine, if I don't say so myself. The decorations are everywhere and I mean everywhere... it almost looks like Santa's little workshop. The pine scented candles are all strategically placed throughout my house. To be real frank about the matter, I really didn't think that I could get anymore Christmas Spirit this year. To my surprise, I was wrong!

See tomorrow I start my Secret Santa with my 2009 family. I have the family picked out and they really need a pick-me up this year. Both incomes in the households have been terminated due to the economy and they have three kids. Well, tonight... Mylah and me were in Costco; which I have to say is the most dangerous place in the world for me. I love that store but man, that store is not too friendly on my pocket book or maybe it loves my pocket book a little too much. :)

Anyways... walking through the aisle trying to think of awesome Secret Santa gifts for the next twelve days... I found so many. I got them this awesome rod-iron Fruit Basket set, which I think will be the first of 12 gifts this year. I think in the card I might say something along the lines of.. be ready to enjoy the next few days of "secret" fruitful blessings... I know that's corny but I have to think of something! So basically, a hour in Costco thinking of little corny phrases to tie to gifts... I realized... I am a Christmas Geek! I love this season... even more than Bikini Season. I really hope my family loves the gifts and I really hope I don't get caught this year. I haven't the last 10 years so I think I might have stellar 007 skills! It's going to be a blast and I am really stoked about it.

My Daughter!!! WoW

Pastor Vaughn... your wise words about how kids are really just little mirror images of ourselves... Well, I got a nice hands on lesson of that today. So I got off work early, only to get to school even earlier tonight but I was able to spend a little bit of time with Mylah before bring her Gerald's (daddy). Anyways... When my parents drove up in their huge silverado truck, I could hear my duaghter's excitment to see me through the glass of the truck. She was so loud. Anyways... a little surprised and loving that she wants me (and honestly... eatting it up a little!) Mylah shows me this little mis-shapened ginger... yeah, man might be pushing it a little... let's say... figure. lol wink wink As she shows me the cookie, she exclaims with excitment, "Mommy, I saved it... to share with you!"

I was so touched by this, that one... I had to take a picture. Two... My little girl was sharing without me telling her too. I was so proud of her. Till she had to burst my bubble... she starts to hand me the little heart shaped candy from the figures chest saying, "I don't like these... here!" That was my part of the cookie... that was her idea of sharing, giving me the pieces she didn't want... It made me laugh! Kids really do show you, your worst traits. lol wink wink

Funny thing... I don't do Red Hots either! So I shared my candy with my mom. Lesson here... I can share, but only the things I don't want. lol wink wink

As the night gets later and the hours of my sleep before work gets less and less, I find myself on the phone with an ex. Talking about the old days and laughing about the new ones. Somewhere between the surprise of his phone call, to the end of our goodbyes. Moments of love, feelings of joy and yes, a little bit of a flashbacks to nights of tears come flowing through my mind.

I can't really remember the exact moment of our last goodbye but I remember the pain. My first love and my first heartbreak. It's funny when you think about all these self help books, the talk shows and let's not forget the therapists banking on our hardships with love. I wonder, with each relationship we experience throughout our life... do we become more aware of the things we want in our future relationships or do we become less and less unloveable for the next.
As I hear him try to tell me that he still loves me and really doesn't understand why he walked away. I started to pray to God for strength, "Please... through all these words he says now... these same words I use to pray to hear from him, Please keep me focused on the truth. The truth being, he never loved me!"

I know that sounds harsh but really, how can you love someone and than walk away. You can't! I know my idea of love is really old fashion but when I read my bible and I pray to God. He shows me everyday, that real love is there till the end. Real love, never lets you go. Real love... starting to wonder if any of my past relationships where ever "Real Love?" Starting to think, that maybe I want it so much... this amazing Real Love... that I 've jumped the gun too many times.

My last love, Andy... My superman... the one relationship that makes me feel a little foolish at times and gives some of my friends a little power to tease me about being neive... makes me think, will I ever get my Prince Charming. Will I ever get to experience Real Love. I don't know anymore, but as I hang up the phone and really start to ponder on the idea of loves in my past, Two... I wonder, I loved them so much and still do. Why is it, that when they say, "I love you", why is it so easy for them to walk away? Why am I always that girl from the past, a distant memory, or even worst.... no thought at all? How can I love still love him? Why couldn't I've of let him go that easy too?

So you want something to pray about... Pray for Christina. It hurts and I really have been hiding my pain from myself, tonight though... as I hung up that phone... I realized, I am damaged but God Loves ME still, even when the men in my past don't, but say they do.

Sad thing or maybe it's amazing... I don't hate or have any animosity toward either of my past loves. I do think that I will love in the future again. I'm not afraid of love... I think I just came to terms tonight with the fact that GOD needs to be my number one guy in my life!

That my friends ......... was a hard lesson to learn. and I am suppose to sleep tonight... yeah... mind is going at a unhealthy rate of 90 MPH. Not looking pretty for work tomorrow, glad my patients are on drugs that make me look prettier than I am. lol wink wink!

I have to keep in mind Isaiah 26:3

"You will keep in perfect peace all who trist in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!" NLT

Now as a mother of an amazing three year old... I have been trying to figure out ways of teaching Mylah the true "Christmas Meaning". Which in turn means Jesus and his birth. Some of the things that we have already done...

1) Every night we do some sort of craft, paint, or color a picture for Jesus and then place the item, in this little manger I made under the tree. It's our gift to Jesus this year. I will for sure keep those items in Mylah's hope chest but right now... she is loving these activities. Got this idea from a Chicken Soup book.

2) On Christmas, I asked my parents and brothers if it would be cool to throw a little birthday party for Jesus together. As a family, we are going to make a cake and decorate it and yes... we are singing Happy Birthday. Idea from a church hand out.

I really don't know any other things that we could do but hey, if you have a suggestion... I would love to hear it. Thank you... a mother learning to parent! lol wink wink

"My Girlie Moment!"

Working in a hospital, you get the advantages or perks you might say, of working along side some very sexy men. Than every once in a while, we get even more lucky and get a dump-dead-gorgeous man as a patient. Well, today... I got both and yes, as a professional at my job , I stumbled over my wording and was unable to look at this 'amazing specimen of manhood', without the blood rushing to my face . and giggling like I was 'special'. It was like I was comatosed by his........ well I want to say beauty but that just doesn't sound like the right choice of wording to use to discribe any man but really... this 'beautiful specimen of manhood' had every Walt Disney Prince or Brad Pitt Look-like... looking a like average!

So when I finally made it back in the lounge, a couple minutes later and after regaining my ability to beathe normal again. Everyone took a quick moment to poke fun at my 'girlie' moment. It was pretty funny and I don't know why I did that, I am not one of those girls. I don't get lost in the eyes of a lover. I don't follow a man around with lost puppy dog eyes. I am NOT one of those girls that does that stuff. I was a tom-boy growing up, so if a guy likes me... he better have some 'cahounas' to ask me out because I won't chase any guy! So this gets me thinking... why did I act like that today. Why did I get so 'funny' at the sight of a guy. Yes, the man was beautiful and yes, every girl in the department was very attentive to his every need.

It's funny to me though because after it was all said and done, someone made a joke saying... 'You know Christina, it's funny to see you like that because your typically very cool around guys. It's nice to see that your normal.' How does that make me normal? I think it makes me special!
Anyways... Sexy Men, I pray to God that he makes more of that man and one that is single, God fearing and will love me like crazy, that's all I am asking for. Am I asking for too much?!?!? lol wink wink .. However... if I did happen to met a sexy, God fearing man that gets me stumbling on my words, you think I might scare him with my 'special-ness!' lol wink wink

Make a Difference Monday!

So on the radio station that I listen to... 101.9 Air1, they have this thing called, "Make a Difference Monday!" Which is just going out, seeing a need that someone needs and filling it. It could be something so simple as just buying someone's coffee or dry cleaning. That actually seems to the most used ways people try to make a difference. However, this morning I heard a story that got me crying and Mylah asking me, "what's wrong mommy?"

THE STORY

This guy calls in and explains how he passed a mother and daughter having car trouble. He thinks about stopping but doesn't... he actually thinks about it three times and finally on the last chance of making a U-turn. He decides to turn around and help. Which is just awesome in itself.... However, it wasn't till he said that he gave the lady $90 to buy a new tire... that my flood gates of tears came flowing out. This guy handed over his "allowance" money because he could tell this single mother and her daughter weren't doing so hot in the finance department.

So Mylah being the loving and compassionate child that she is... she asks me, "Mommy... what's wrong?" I couldn't help but just tell her, "Mylah, God is just so amazing and the love He shows us all, through random acts of kindness. It's just a little overwhelming for your mommy!" Don't think she really grasped anything I was saying but she nodded her little head and said the most amazing thing... "Mommy, Jesus Loves ME and you!"

Now I know to some people this story doesn't mean a thing to them, but man months ago... I was really questioning my parenting skills when it came to raise Mylah into an amazing woman in God Kingdom. I really thought lowly of that part of my life and prayed everyday for God's assistance in the parenting department. Don't get me wrong... I don't think I suck as a parent. My daughter isn't needing a single thing. She's in soccer and Karate. She has more than any child her age needs and most of all, She knows with all her heart... "I AM HER BIGGEST FAN! I love that little girl. However, I wanted my daughter to know that if anything ever happened to me.........God Willing Nothing does but if I wasn't here to watch that amazing girl grow... I wanted her to have a solid foundation in Christ and know that Jesus Loved that little girl.

Anyways...

When Mylah said that this morning with the biggest cheese grin... I actually had to pull over and thank God and cry... GO FIGURE :). Only because of how much my God loves me and my daughter, am I able to see how much He cares through my daughter's young but wise words! God loves us so much and that to me... is just so amazing. I am so grateful to the Frost Family, actually more like indebted to that family. Even though it was a short lived relationship, it made the most impact in my life. God has been showing me lately, that even the smallest things and/or relationships, are still big things for Him to use. His power is bigger than anything, that's why such a short lived relationship could mean so much. It was a God filled relationship. To Him, I have to say... goes all the glory for Mylah and my life.

On another note... someone made a difference in my life today too. I had a stranger buy my breakfast and I have to say... even though it was a just a couple dollars... It made me feel so amazing and loved. Once again... God using the smallest things to say, "I love you!" I am now officially a "Make a Difference participant.

Man... as I woke up this morning, in my bed for the first time in weeks, I started to talk to God about LIFE and the craziness that comes with years!

SIDE NOTE: The bed was jammed packed with clothes, toys and everything else that I could put in my room. So finally last night...... I was able to take control over the mountain of boxes

everywhere and make this new house, a home for Mylah and me. Got the tree up, which I have to say looks amazing! The lights are all hung up and the stockings... Yes, are hanging by the chimney with care!

So as I wander through the house this morning with my nice hot cup of Chamomile Tea, I realize... Mylah and me are so blessed. God has really been doing wonders in my life lately, and this morning God and me had some one - on - one time to talk about everything. Just the realization of everything that has changed in the last four months... WOW... My life looks nothing like it did a couple months ago.

Here I am in a home twice the size as my old house. I have a new career goal for when I grow up. The new position with the OCC and the blessings those people bring in my life! The church group that has adopted Mylah and me as one of their own, love them!!! This new found freedom of happiness. It's like, no matter what is going on in this life... I have this peace about me. Everything and I mean everything... I bring to God. I don't think there is even a moment during the day, that I am not talking or thinking about God! It's crazy!!!!

Anyways...

As God and me are talking this morning, I can't help but bring up a conversation Aaron and me had just recently. Years ago, God sent me Aaron. He was and still is... my teddy bear! We did everything together. Most of the time, it was me talking him into Pimps-N-Hoe parties, the movies and the very popular... Pictionary Game Night with Jack and Mara! See Aaron is very reserved and well.... we both had different ideas of what fun was...Aaron's idea was staying in all night, to tinker around, under, over and/or on top of some muscle car that only a guy could love - or - it was chillin' with Jack and talking in terms - that only guys that love math and computers could ever understand. My ideas of fun... let's just say... neither of those things did anything for me! wink wink

My favorite moments with Aaron were cuddling up on his parent's couch watching the Superbowl or some stupid old movie and every once in a while... I could talk him into some chick flick movie (but not too much though ). I have a lot of memories with Aaron... one Halloween I dressed him up as Flasher! The things you can do with Panty Hose and a trench coat! lol **Wink Wink** I love Aaron and we were never anything more than friends. Never kissed or did anything... He was just my best friend, so when he decided that our friendship needed to end while I was pregnant. I was devastated and couldn't' understand why; however, God works in crazy ways.

Just a couple days ago... I got an email from Aaron and being the person that I am... I don't get halfway through the email before I found myself calling Aaron's parent's house to get Aaron phone number. Turns out... Aaron was there and we got to talk. There were a little moments of ackwardness but within two or three minutes, we are talking like no time has ever passed and laughing about how stupid life can be. Before I hung up the phone... we made plans to hang out and catch up.

Now it's been a couple days since Aaron and me hung out and still... I find myself repeating a conversation we had in my head, over and over again.

"JOHAN IS DEAD!"

Back in the day, meaning the years during and right after high school... there was this guy that all the girls liked. All the girls had a crush on and yes... he had the body that all the guys wanted! Now he wasn't the smartest in the bunch but man, he could make you laugh! I was one of those girls that had a crush on Johan. Well, I was actually one of those girls that had a crush on both, Johan and his little brother, Jordon! So as Aaron and me are going through the list of people from our past and where are they now updates... I still find myself stumbling on this fact that one of our own... in our little group... was actually dead. Now I know that death is part of life and everyone will exprience it sometime but I really found it hard to believe that one of my friends would ever die before we were all old and gray. Nieve... yes but really... the whole idea just scares me. My ten year reunion for high school is coming up in just under two years and it gets me thinking... when we all come together again. How many of my classmates will still be with us? How many will be there to share in laughs about the good old days? Johan won't be one of those and honestly..... that just seems so crazy to me!!!

Lesson... Life is too Short! Never stay mad at anyone. Love with all your heart. Smile every chance you get and heck... never stay mad at me!!!!! Wink wink and realize that tomorrow is not promised to you... heck the rest of today isn't promised to you either. God and me just really had a moment talking about life and all "real" things that happen. I just need to remember, I am God's... so when and if He calls me before I think I should be called... I know that I will be going to stay with my Father and these moments of life craziness, I hope God will finally make sense of them for me... I HOPE!

Laziness with the Season!

As winter approaches and my electric bill rises faster then I can understand. I have come to realize that people get crazy during these last few months of the year. It's like we have this bank of nuttiness that we need to use up and it's on a time limit. I just can't understand it at all.

With my move and the crazy other things that I find myself busy with, I have been dealing with some crazy situations. People in stores actually running down my daughter with their wheelchair. I was hit by an older man with his cane because I didn't move fast enough... mind you the crowd in front of me was at a stand still. I was at the post office! The store clerks cursing at me because life didn't turn out like they thought it would and for some weird reason... I am the easiest to lash out at. Then watching the news and seeing all the craziness that happened on Black Friday. People being trampled to death because of sale prices and Black Friday Specials. Watching the stocks go from bad to worst right in front of ours. Hearing people say that they have lost everything in just one day. I am just blown away and honestly, am finding it hard to explain to my daughter what is going on anymore. I can't just tell her anymore... people are just mean sometimes because they have bad days. Now it's getting to the point where I am finding myself scared to raise my daughter.

However with all this said... I was floored a couple days ago by our world and society. My mother's old client and friend, Ken, got jumped by three teenage guys and had his face slashed by a knife. Then not only that... they steal his $27 of groceries and $7 of change he had left. This gentleman, lives on a fixed income. So even though, that $7 doesn't sound like a lot to most of us... To him... that's a weeks worth of income for him. When I visited Ken in the hospital, I really found it hard to comfort him. I found it hard not to be mad. I found it hard not to think badly about those guys. I know the bible says to turn the other cheek but in these moments, can we have a little moment of anger! Can I be this mad! I know anger is poison to our soul but sometimes... I think God has to understand. Otherwise... I am in deep doo-doo. :) God please heal this anger heart of mine. Please help me see it through your eyes... Please just help soften my heart for even the "special" people I am mad at! Thank you for reading and please pray for Ken!

Last Day of OCC!

So today was the last day for dropping off boxes. We finished today at a total of 16,327 boxes. 60 more than last year...Crazy thing ... Spokane collects more boxes than the Seattle - Tacoma area! Now doing the math of people to shoebox ratio... Spokane is one amazing city filled with giving people. Now anyone that watches the stocks fall and the economy fail. God is bigger than any problems we encounter in this short life. It was really a huge surprise and we were all wiped out!!! We filled a whole 18 wheeler today and some of the other 18 wheeler. It just blows my mind to think that. I better of lost some weight with this crazy workout. lol wink wink

Anyways... Today... once again... Testimony time. I heard one that just floored me and made me realize... I am blessed and a little selfish.

So here it is... you have to hear this. It will take 14 minutes to listen to the whole thing... It will make you cry or maybe I just have a sensitive soul and spirit. lol wink wink

Her name is Lejla Allison. She was one of the first kids of OCC when it started. It's amazing and really touching... I am so glad that I am part of this program.

Laughter of A Child... that’s the most amazing sound ever!

Today was slow at the donation center, so it was an amazing day to fellowship with some of the other volunteers and just love on the people that did deliver shoe boxes. I was able to learn more about my future position and what is excepted of me next year. As I learned more about this organization and heard all the different stories... I realized. God put me here on purpose! I was made for this moment.... it's crazy to me to think... what would of happened had I not heard the call from God, when I did. What would of made me listen? Scary to think about but I do.

Anyways... today I was touched. It's amazing to me to see these boxes filled with toys. Then to see the how much work people put into these boxes for these kids that they may never see! Wow... what an amazing organization. We had a group of men from a nursing home, bring in four huge boxes of homemade trucks. I met a girl that got a box when she was a little girl in India. Hearing her story. Just made me realize, I was born to serve others. I love this feeling I get from serving others. I love to love on people. That's what I was made for. As I become more aware of this gift of serving, God gave me... I really understand who I really am. I am one of God's servants to the world but one that can grab the attention of many just with my smile.

Thank you Jesus for this amazing opportunity and all the amazing moments I have already had. I can't wait to see what the next few years bring with this program.

Weird but really cool... I know I am going to the mission field once I am done with school but today I had something brought to my attention. Tell me if this isn't weird.... God has me in a position where I meet every church in Spokane and in the region. I'm not an easy person to forget, so when it comes time for God to send me... I am pretty sure, God is just getting me ready for the future through this program and I am sure... my funding will come from the churches I am going to meet in the next few years! Crazy to think how amazing God is and how He works. I also figured out... my degree... I want to run an orphanage! I want to love on all those kids. I don't want one kid to ever feel like they are not wanted!

I read a story today about an orphan. I cried. Those kids are so amazing and their story would break your heart. At one point this amazing woman felt unloved, tried to commit suicide twice and both time almost succeeded. It wasn't till she was in her twenties, when she found Jesus and his love. However, in her box... she got a doll, which was the doll she had when her mom left her and her sister with their drunken father. It was the same doll she had when she was taken from her dad and put into an orphanage. She still has this doll and she still cherishes! A doll that someone put in their box for some little girl to love. Funny how the simplest gifts can mean the world to someone else. I want to change the world and I want to love on these kids. I want to be a missionary when I grow up... now why did it take me so long to figure that out... Think it would of been cheaper in college loans, had I figured that out sooner! Once again... it's all in God's timing! I do need this degree to run an orphanage... funny how I started this degree to become a 6 figure CEO! hmmm my accounting side is thinking... that math isn't adding up! wink wink

London Bridge is Suppose to Fall, Not My Tears!

Today really tested my Christian disposition... I had to hold my tongue and smile, when the guy driving the "God Fearing Brothers" trailer cut me off on the highway. I needed to hold my tongue when the girl in the fast lane, decide that the set speed of 60 MPH was too fast... So we drove at a speed of 54 MPH from downtown Spokane to the Valley, pacing a 18 wheeler next to me. ARGH!!!! The best situation though... Picture this... I am always late... I mean always! Don't know why, I just am. So running out the door late to meet Carol at the concert, I realize... I don't have my ticket. Nope. My dear ticket was sitting in the middle console of my car, so I wouldn't forget it the night of the concert. Funny... how today I would have my dad's truck to move and my car was way up north!!! I was irritated to say the least. I really wanted to say some nutty things under my breathe... I didn't. I turned on the radio and sang to some DC talk song and laughed at myself because had it been anyone else... I would laughed at them, thinking "Man what luck!" lol wink wink

Well, I made it to the concert late. :) Told you ~ Always late.

I found my dear Carol and got to singing along with Brandon. Totally knowing every song and word... I thought to myself, "okay... I think I have taken this crush a little too far!" Funny thing.... Brandon... He's 5'6 maybe 5'7 (I'm 5'11 and I love to wear heels)! My dreams were crushed, I can't marry a man shorter than me. I know.... Shallow but really... I think a man should be taller than his girl and stronger! I don't know why but that just screams sexy to me.

Anyways... After the shock of how shorter he was, wore off!

Brandon got me crying. Bawling would be the best way of describing it and I felt stupid. He had to go and sing London. All my feelings of a past love, came billowing up and I found myself praying... God why can't you teach me to lose this love? Why does it still hurt, if you wanted me to let go? WHY do I still cry? Why? As I sat there crying and trying not to draw attention to myself... I still love my Superman! With all my heart. Wow... When I get upstairs and meet the Big Guy... We are going to talk. Couple of topics on the list!

1) My Superman... Why then? Why Now? why Not? just a few of the questions... the list could go on though.

2) My hair... I think I should be a red head... God thinks I should be a Blonde... Funny thing, God is winning because no matter how much money I put into this head of hair of mine... I always end up a blonde, when it is all said and done.

3) yeah... let's be real... this list could go on too! God I think will have to tell me to breathe a couple of times too! lol wink wink

SO I didn't get my picture with Brandon because my make-up... Well, my eyes were down by my cheecks. I wasn't looking too hot and I really didn't want to explain to the world for years to come.... Christina, Why do you look like you were crying... lol wink wink Oh... I wish you could learn not to love but then... I wouldn't be me! I still love him and even though I try to tell myself that I am cool. I realized tonight, that I keep myself busy just so I don't think about Superman and how hurt I am. WOW.... That was a hard cookie to chew tonight. I thought I was strong but now... starting to think... Man, Love kicks everyone's butt, even mine!

A Messianic Jew, a 7th day Adventist and a room Full of Agnostics!

Work lately has been interesting. I guess this change in me is really starting to get noticed. Many people have shared with me their feelings from being totally amazed to being completely in dismay. It's interesting to me, as people share with me their feelings... "why is does this decision I make to follow Jesus, effect so many people!" It's not like I am out there with a Bull Horn screaming it to the world or wearing a T-shirt that says, "Hey.. I'm going to Heaven to see Jesus and this t-shirt is all I am bring!" It's crazy!

Yesterday though, I really understood why it's such a topic of discussion lately. Jesus comes up every time I start a conversation and I don't even try. I can start talking to someone about something so far away from church, Jesus and God but for some crazy reason... my decision to follow Christ and read the bible always come up somehow.....

For example.... Yesterday I was talking about Dog walking with a friend in the break room. Now at first it was just me and her but within 10 minutes, most everyone that works in my department was in the break room. So here we are sharing funny dog walking moments and the crazy things that our pets do.... Then somewhere out of the blue, God gets brought up and to tell you the truth... I don't even know how or when. It's like the "Jesus Talk" just slipped in there.... no warning or any barriers to stop it... it's just like BAM here you go. So our conversation of crazy pets we've owned, turns into Jesus and why people believe and why they don't.

So when I realized the topic change and maybe even became a comprehending participant in the conversation... I stopped and looked around the room. Here in a room of about 9 people, sat one Messianic Jew, a 7th day Adventist and a room Full of Agnostics than me! In a facility, where we are told to keep our baggage at the door when we come to work and never talk about your beliefs... here we sat in the break room talking church! It was awesome and even though it brought out a lot of crazy and funny moments.... I sat in my chair totally in love with my Jesus and knowing... the Holy Spirit was talking through me. The Holy Spirit started that conversation and to tell you the truth... I don't think I started the conversation. It's interesting to me how that stuff happens.

Later when I was talking to Clayton, my messianic Jew.... He told me... "Christina, God is using you like crazy and it's funny to watch you in disbelief sometimes at God's power!" I am in awe of God's power and Love! It's crazy for me to understand how God can use little old me... Me, the girl who is just trying to read the bible for the first time ever in her life. The girl who doesn't have a single bible verse memorized and couldn't even find a book in the bible, without flipping through the bible 50 times to find it! The girl with a background check that could be a little shady for most Church goers but God has used me in the last three months like crazy... you will see me caught up in a conversation with someone about God and most of the time, I am not the one who starts it. It's like God put this sign over my head, with Neon Lights pointing down saying, "She's a non-judgemental Christian... talk to her!" I've had so many co-workers share with me some very personal stories and moments in their life. I've had doctors ask me to pray for them... Doctors who are Gods in most of my patients eyes. I don't know what my future holds but if it is anything like the last few months... I can't wait... God is amazing, All Powerful and Knowing!

Prayer Requests...

1) My dear Andy... please pray over him. Please pray for an army of angels to surround him and his Maria! Then pray for the team. I pray for such unity between them all, that this holiday season which is quickly approaching... they will feel at home down in Mexico and know they are where God wanted them this Christmas and Thanksgiving!

2) Operation Christmas Child... this is such a huge blessing in my life and I am starting to understand why God sent it my way. It was for me to meet Lisa. I've been praying for teachers and strong women to help me along this journey with GOD. Now God has sent me some amazing people, who have loved on me like crazy. You would really think that we were all friends for years, the way we all click... I love this experience! Please also pray over the boxes that we are preparing to ship down to Colorado. I pray for each box that I hold and each kid that will be holding them soon. God is amazing and I thank you Jesus for getting me connected into this group.

3) I am still moving... This week has been crazy! I work in the morning, go volunteer after work for a couple hours and then come home to pack a couple more hours. I've been living off coffee and rice cakes... which maybe isn't the best but I can't really find time to eat. So please pray over my move and the people who will help me! Thank you for praying and I am so blessed that you found the time to read this blog of mine.

I am a scrapbooking nerd.... Found my favorite picture of Mylah... She was only 14 months. Seriously though.... she looks like a sleeping angel... I love that little girl! My little Princess.

I am so excited and in a "high school crush" kind of a way.. I can't believe that tomorrow tonight, I will be standing next to Brandon Heath. Oh... I really hope I don't do anything stupid but my excitement is totally childish and funny. Carol is making fun of me and thinks that it's cute but I am starting to feel stupid. lol wink wink However... I can't wait and think this concert will be amazing! Plus... who knows... I might be able to get a picture with him!!! Oh yeah.... Add to my celebratity pictures I already have.

I love CHRISTMAS!!!!

Christmas is my favorite time of the year... Actually a week after October, when the leaves start to change colors... my excitement for this holiday season starts to bubble up!!! I just love this part of the year! Thanksgiving with the fam bam and the turkey... and oh my... my dad's stuffing... let me tell you... Nothing compares!

The thing I love the most is, knowing that my family will get together for a dinner around my mom's huge dinning room table. My family will laugh for hours about life and catching up. I am very blessed because unlike most families, my family is very close and there is never a fight or a situation that would make the holidays dreadful. So I thank God for that!

My little brother Steven just started his first year at WSU, so it will be awesome to catch up with him. Then Robby and Meg are so busy with school and work, that it's hard to get together with them too. Then mom and dad work on the weekends, so if it wasn't for the fact that my parents watch Mylah for me after Mylah's classes during the week. I don't think I would ever see them. So getting together with my family is one of my most favorites moments about the holidays; but my next best thing has to be the 12 days before Christmas, Secret Santa that I do.

My junior year of high school, my BBF Annience and me started this thing called Secret Santa. Basically, the 12 days before Christmas we leave presents for a family on their porch or windows or whatever ledge we can find, that won't get us caught! Throughout the 12 days, I find cute ways of expressing my love for this season and the family I choose. I always pick a family that isn't connected to me at all and normally someone that needs a little pick me up for the season. Then on the last day, I leave them a nativity scene and a note... It's been fun this year. Thank you for letting me bless you and please remember this next year for another person. Love Secret Santa "X".. Annience was "O"!

Annience moved away right after high school and I had to keep this going on by myself. I can't wait till Mylah is old enough to join me... I think this will be an amazing way of teaching what Christmas is really about. Now each year has special moments that I cherish and will always remember for years to come. However, there is a family that will forever be the family above all families... My favorite moment ever... My favorite family was a mother who had MS, lost her husband that year and she had 7 kids. Seven kids that didn't like the idea that I was secret, so they would chase me. That year, I really had to work on my 007 skills and I was in tip top shape, thanks to the workout those kids gave me! :)

Now there were a couple of nights, where I thought those kids were going to catch me. One night, I had to jump under their neighbor's porch. Mind you... I am terrified of spiders and then... not too many people rake under a porch... so dead leaves everywhere! Prefect spots for spiders to live and noise makers!!! I was freaking out but those amazing kids stayed outside for 45 minutes just watching for anything to move. I couldn't breathe normal and then I couldn't move because the leaves would make a sound. After 45 minutes the kids finally decided to give up searching for me. Then people's whose porch I was under had company show up. I was stuck under that porch another 20 minutes. I thought for sure, I was getting caught but I didn't.

Then there was another night... where the kids must of been right by the door because the second they heard something outside... the porch light flickered on and I heard feet running towards the door. SO I ran across the street and mashed myself between a car and the curb. I am so lucky no one called the cops on me!!! However, thanks to the shade of the car and me being all in black... the kids didn't see me when they came running around the car I was smashed up against. I was telling myself... "I am shade.. I am shade! Be ONE WITH THE SHADE!" I couldn't breathe because my breathe would give me away! I didn't want to look at them because I thought they would feel my eyes! It was an awesome year!!! I did make it through the 12 days without the family finding out who I was, which was awesome. None of my families ever find out who I am but I do send them Christmas cards each every. Which I think must bring a smile to their face!

So that is just a couple of reasons... why I love this season!!! Nothing compares!!!

Operation Christmas Child

Last night I learned what the coolest thing in the world is... It's watching my daughter help a little old lady carry her Christmas Box in for her. It was watching a little 5 year old, explain to me why each and every toy in his box was there. It was hearing the laughter of everyone that was there volenteering last night for Operation Christmas Child. Even though this is my first year and I don't really know any of the people, God has such an amazing way of bring people together. It's amazing to see people from all walks of life, all different backgrounds in religion and theologies... come together to do Christmas!

I love Christmas! So I am publicily Thanking God for this experience. I can't wait to see what the rest of the week has to offer! God is amazing and thank you for this moment in my life! AND a little side note... Thank you Andy, JAX, Faith, and Chad... they will never know what they did in my life and honestly... I wouldn't be experiencing these moments without their influence in my life! It just proves to me... that the simpliest things in life, can mean the world to others! So remember that when you smile down the street or say HI to someone in the store! That could change their life forever! It did for me!!! Thank you Jesus! Thank you!!!

"Mommy.... Why do you love me?"

As my three year old asked me this today? A long list of reason came to mind and I shared with her every single one. Now with each reason that I gave her, none of them seemed to please that little monkey of mine. She kept asking me why? Why mom? Why? Now I did get a little frustrated at myself and wondered why my daughter really felt the need to ask me "Do you love me?" Did I not show her enough love? Was I missing something? Where did I fail in showing her how amazing she was? Why did she need to ask me? WHY?

And that's when God stepped in... "Hey, how do you like that question game?" As I sit there, a little humbled at the fact that my little monkey is so much like me. I realized, that even though I can see God's Fingerprints throughout my life. I still find myself asking God, Why? Why should I be this loved? Why should this life be so hard? Why? Why?

I know I am not alone in these questions! Everyone has asked them. Today I realized, that even though I am 27, living on my own, raising my daughter and trying to live each day a little better than yesterday.... I noticed that I will never loose that child in me, when it comes to my Savior. I will forever be God's child. I will forever be lost in God's love and will always be amazed by His love For Me. Just like my duaghter, who asked me today... "Mommy, Why do you love me?" I too find myself asking God all the time, "Why me God? How can you love someone like me? and everyday... He reminds me... Because your MINE!"

When I finally told Mylah, "Well, God gave you to me to love and your my monkey!" She ran into my arms and said... "Mommy, you love me!" As I hugged that little monkey of mine, I came to really understand how important it is to be reminded... we are loved! Have you noticed God's little love notes for you today... If you haven't.... Open your eyes because God sent you one! I found mine through my daughter! Wonder what tomorrows love note will be? God is amazing!

As I go through old scrapbooks and boxes and boxes of old mail and love letters. I couldn't help but find myself reminesing about the past and the many, many lucky and blessed moments in my life. My whole life has been one interesting joy ride and for some crazy reason. God is really opening my eyes and making me aware of where I have come from.

At a young age, I was trouble for my mum. Always grabbing peoples' attention and never really knowing what it meant to follow the rules. I remember once, I convienced my brother Robby at the rip old age of 4; that Mary Poppins magic to fly wasn't from her umbrella... NO!!!... it was from her skirt. I said this because my mum was forcing me to wear a skirt to a family shin-dig and I was a soccer player ~aka ~ a little tomboyish. Now I can't remember the exact details of the story or what the exact words were that convienced my brother but when it was all said and done. My brother had jumped out of our two window with a skirt on and I am so lucky we lived over a fire department in Germany. My brother didn't get too badly hurt, just a little broken arm but man, my butt sure did get blistered when my mom and her wooden spoon were done with me!

I remember being 5 and stuck in a bed for almost 7 months in a Germany. I was in a coma for the first few months and my mum was being told that there was nothing the doctors could do. They basically told her, "Chrissly (my mom's nickname for me) only has a 5% chance of living! Praying is the only thing that is going to save her." Somehow I had contracted Meningitis and by the time it was caught, it was too late. For a good two weeks before getting admitted into the hopsital for my nice 7 month stay, doctors kept telling my mum that I just had the flu. Anyone that knows my mum, knows she went nuts and being a single mother too; I can't imagine the hardships I caused her as a child. I was also the one that brought home the chicken pox to the family! My mum at the nice age of 29, got chicken pox for the first time ever, thanks to me.

When my mum met Rick, who IS my dad. I remember giving them so much greif and making it so hard for my mum. Running away with my brother and let's not forget my legos! It was awesome though... because when Robby and me got lost just a couple blocks away from home in Darmstadt. I remember my mum walking up to us, with her arms wide open to embrace her two scared kids who never lost grip of thier legos. My mom was always a superhero in my eyes.

However, as I got older and mum & me became more alike. We fought like crazy lunatics under our Spokane home. Our strong relationship that had formed during my younger years, vanished by my 13 birthday. I became someone totally different than what my mum had raised me up to be. I started drinking and living life for me. Then in my 8th grade year, right before entering into high school with all my friends who had turned into my family in my eyes. My family looses everything to house fire. My parent's ceramic store was totally gone in just two hours and every little thing I thought was important to me.

When I look back now and read my dairies entries of those days. I come to realize that God was everywhere that night. My little brother Steven is alive which is a mircle. The volenteer fire fighters refused to go in for Steven but my dad did. Three times and on the third time, he says, "I heard Steven cough!" Funny... Steven was dead when my dad took him out of fire. There is no way Steven could of coughed! Robby still to this day is unable to explain how he got out of the store. He just remembers fainting in the kitchen. My mother wasn't able to come back in, she says that there was something stopping her. I got pushed down the stairs and when I turned around to yell at my brother... no one was there! All three of us kids were put into ICU and once again... COMA! Yeah... starting to think this is my thing!

Then as I go through more boxes in my closet I come across some letters from school class mates, yearbooks and then homework that I have saved over the years. With each sheet that I decide to finally let go of, I find myself laughing, crying and every once in the while... thinking wow... I wore that! Why did I ever think polka dots and strips where a cool thing to wear together and don't get me started on the many pictures of me with the side pony tails and huge earrings! WOW... However, I can say... I have never sported the mullet!!!

The one thing that I did find today that got me to stop and really reflect and thank God for all my blessings, was my baptizing certificate. At the nice age of 23, I actaully got saved. Now I didn't get saved like most people. Bob Loflin did a prophetic prayer over me. Funny it took Bob asking me in front of my whole church three times before I finally said, "Okay... Do whatever you need to do to make you happy!" Now anyone that was there that night at Open Bible, can tell you how amazing it was. There in front of a huge church, was this man telling me who I was and things that no one knew. He explained to me the details of my rape, the feelings I felt about suicide, the fire and than in the most amazing way ever... God just wanted me to know, I was never alone and HE LOVED ME! I got so scared and freaked out; that I didn't step foot in the church for almost 3 months. I really had to grasp the fact that there was really a GOD and He was always with me.

So as I sat on the floor in my bedroom today, looking at this slightly torn paper that represented my public confession to the world that I was GOD's. I started to pray and cry... thank you God for being so merciful and amazing. Looking over my shameful moments in life and still seeing me as one of yours! God really has changed me and made me HIS! I don't deserve a single thing that He has already given me and when I cry about the lost friendships that I already have experienced. I know God has more amazing plans for me. I am HIS and I will never go back to that "OLD TINA!" that I found in most of my scrapbooks. She wasn't happy but she did do an amazing job at faking happiness! Thank you Jesus for saving a wretch like me... I can only imagine that day I can finally say thank you face to face, think I will be a huge ball of mush!

One more thing... Today God really just spoke words of peace into my life. He made me realize through an amazing email from Shawna. Even though, I might feel alone right now and isolated from the life I use to remember... God has His hand in my situation and He has it all planned out. I just need to relax and be thankful. Thank you Shawna.... you'll never understand what your friendship means to me!

Prayer Requests...

Please continue to pray for the families down in California, as the number of homes being demolished raises with each passing hour, please pray!!! As I watch the news today, I can't help but think... WOW, is this really happening? Please also stick a couple more prayers in there for my Dear City close to my heart, Santa Barbara... Please pray! I talked to a Stephen and he said that he is fine but some of his friends aren't that lucky. Please pray over those who have already lost their homes!

Then continue to also pray for Andy and his mission team. Pray peace over their minds because I have a feeling that some of the people down there in Mexico. Are also being effected by this fire in California, seeing that this church is based in LA. So pray peace and safety over their family back at home.

Lastly... Dear Maria. Pray for that amazing two year old! Thank you for praying.

Last Laugh for the Night!

My Dear Shawna just left my house and as I sit here looking at a the beginning of a very long process... I can't help but laugh. I think I brought work home with me. All around my house, are boxes labeled... "Adult Depends" "Cardinal Health" and last but totally awesome... "Viagra... Because you never know when you need a lift up!" hahahhah Totally awesome and makes me laugh!


PS... Thanks Shawna for that much needed adult time and the home made wine. Your amazing in my eyes!!! Love you!

Moving Humor thanks to Mylah!

Okay... Kids are the greatest things in the world! With everything that I am packing up, nothing could mean more to me... Than that little girl of mine! She cracks me up and teaches me everyday that even the nastiest task ~ aka packing a home up~ can be fun, if you think about it as a child! Now who is the teacher in this moment?

Now what even gets me more... is when she looks at me and says, "I'm ready mommy! I'm packed too!" WOW... I love her and she is a huge blessing in my life!

God sent her to me... To make my life worth something! Thank you Jesus!!!

Then something else I learned tonight... Do you know what the worst drink in the world is? It's a Large Heath Milkshake from Baskin Robins. In this nice drink, there is over 2100 calories... WoW! That's like eatting 11 heath bars in one sitting. Yikes!! Just random thought. lol

I am not one of those people that needs the finer things in life. Okay wait... retort that last comment... I really do enjoy the finer foods of life and wine, the older the better in my book! Which means more expensive! Everything else though...... electronics, cars, furniture, clothes.... I am cool with just the bare necessities! The most expensive thing in my house, isn't the TV or even my washer and dryer and even though I would love to say, I have some expensive and beautifully tasting wine. I don't (Christmas is coming, hint hint)

Anyways... the most expensive thing in my house, is my daughter's scrapbooks! Which is funny because Market value for them = $0.... those books don't have any value to anyone else but someone that cares for my daughter and me. However; if I was to total up all the money I spent on those stickers, the different types of paper and the extra bling blings used in those books... WoW ... I think I have easily spent a couple thousand dollars on that hobby of mine.

So when I grabbed boxes at work, I didn't grab that many! I actually thought I grabbed too many boxes but with only two closets packed and one more to go (being mine ), I find myself needing double the boxes I brought home. All the boxes are almost used up and I am starting to think, that my preception of what I have is way off! I have also learned... I hate packing!!!

Oh... I can't wait for this whole move to be over! As much as I don't like this packing process, I am learning that I love the feeling of a new start! The whole idea that I can start all over, in a new home, with more space... that is really exciting! Okay.... well, enough blogging... need to get packing some more!!!

Prayer Requests!

1) My dear Stephen is down in Santa Barbara and anyone that knows me... knows that my heart is in Santa Barbara, CA. That's the most magical place on earth for me! lol Anyways... with the fires and it being in a state of emergency now! Please be praying for firefighters working around the clock and the families who already lost homes there. So far, the number of homes blazed by the fire is over a 100! In '96, my family went through a house fire and lost everything... so I can totally understand the feeling of lost... However, God is in control and I have to believe He has a purpose for everything, even when it really sucks! SO PRAY!!!

2) Andy and his mission team... please pray that GOD sends a million angels to surround and love on them. I pray that with every tear they shed and with every hour of sweat they spend building the orphanage... God can use those moments a million times more than what we as humans can understand! God is amazing! I am just glad that God has given me the chance to know and see those miracles happening! That's amazes me everyday!!!

3) Little Maria... I pray for little girl everyday and know for a fact, God has an amazing plan for her in the future. So please continue to pray that God will provide the needed love a child her age needs and should have!!!